It sounds like a health condition. Or the newest offering from my cable company.
But, to millions of addicts fans around the world, the Pumpkin Spice Latte (or PSL, as it’s called by devotees) ushers in the unofficial beginning of fall. Never-you-mind that apparently Autumn began in August this year and you had to ignore the sweat dripping down your back as you sipped this creamy, spicy liquid from heaven.
No, ma’am. Pumpkin spice and everything nice is here to make all your seasonal wishes come true. Fall-lelujah! Life is gourd.
Unless you can’t stand pumpkin.
Except if a jack-o-lantern in any shape or form makes you want to heave. If that’s the case, you might as well hole up in your home with your mouth shut from now through Thanksgiving because ain’t nobody got time for that kind of negativity.
But, it’s true: I do not like pumpkin-flavored anything.
I know, I just admitted that. I get it, I’m in the minority.
Or maybe I’m not? It’s hard to tell this time of year because the world is obsessed with their #squashgoals and have zero chill about it. Starbuck’s PSL emerged on the scene in 2003 and in a mere 15 years has become synonymous with the fall season.
Fall = pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice = fall.
Which is hard to digest because Autumn is hands-down my favorite season with its cooler temps, crisp leaves, football tailgates, and apple orchard outings. Sweaters, jeans, boots, and jackets tell my summer body to hit the bricks and assure me that my fall body is on-point. My October birthday seals the deal that fall is the very best time of year.
But recently, the pumpkin phenomenon has reached fever pitch leaving this autumn-loving girl with a seasonal disorder of her own: Can I still love fall and not love pumpkin spice??
I say yes. In fact, I believe it makes me uniquely qualified and 100% unbiased when saying this to the pumpkin spice-loving multitudes out there: you need an intervention.
We think you are wonderful and we still love you, but it’s time to walk away from the cinnamon-spiced temptation.
Pumpkin spice made sense back when it was a Yankee candle. Sure, it filled your home with wonderful aromas that fooled you and others into thinking you’d just whipped up a pie or batch of bread. But, when people are using pumpkin-spiced flavored toothpaste or buying pumpkin-spiced dental treats for their dogs, it’s time to stop the madness!!
The other day I was shopping and ran across pumpkin-spice flavored Pringles. Pringles, people!! You can 100% guarantee I WILL “stop” after one “pop.” Lord, have mercy.
But, before you think I’ve gone too far, I’ll give you the PSL. Even I can get on board with a warm, creamy drink on a cool, fall morning. I can also understand the allure of pumpkin-spiced donuts and the cream cheese frosting on a pumpkin bar annually makes me break my own “no pumpkin” rule. But, when people are eating pumpkin-flavored hummus on pumpkin-spiced kale chips, I think we can all agree, it’s time to get a grip.
And there are pumpkin-spiced items for all hours of the day. With your PSL in the morning, you can enjoy pumpkin-spiced Cheerios or Mini-Wheats with a side of pumpkin-spiced Pop-tarts or a pumpkin-flavored cinnamon roll. If you’re watching your carbs, never fear! You could always try a pumpkin-flavored Greek yogurt or an assortment of pumpkin-spiced protein shakes or bars.
For a mid-day treat you can snack on pumpkin-spiced popcorn, almonds, beef jerky, or candy corn (as if candy corn wasn’t quite “fall” enough already). For dinner you can enjoy pumpkin-flavored pasta topped with, you guessed it, pumpkin-flavored sauce. In Japanese Burger Kings, they even have a pumpkin burger.
You can complete your day-long pumpkin festival with pumpkin-spiced ice cream, cupcakes, or vodka. And if you’re concerned at any point along the way about your pumpkin breath, Extra has a pumpkin-spiced gum to save the day.
I wish the world’s pumpkin-spice obsession was limited to food or air fresheners. Alas, no. Not only do we want the smell of pumpkin filling our lungs and oozing out of our pores, we’re also adding it to our beauty regimen. Sexy Hair released a pumpkin detoxifying shampoo and Bath & Body Works has a Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin body lotion. That will give ‘em pumpkin to talk about!
But, the Great Pumpkin of them all has to be the Peep. That’s right, just when you couldn’t imagine the marshmallow-y treat could get any more disgusting, they release the pumpkin-spiced version. For the love.
Now, dear reader, maybe this intervention isn’t for you. I doubt you see yourself reflected in this pumpkin-spiced obsession. Of course not. After all, you have your pumpkin spice addiction excitement well in hand. You’re just an occasional pumpkin drinker – limiting yourself to social occasions and days ending in “y.”
I get it. And I would hate to deny you one of life’s few pleasures. After all, Anne of Green Gables (side note: regardless of your feelings about my pumpkin hatred, can we all agree that Anne with an “e” is the best?!?) once said, “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” And by October, she just might have meant pumpkin-spiced lattes.