Dear First-Time Mom Kara,
CALM DOWN. Seriously, calm down. You are on the fast track to nutso-Kara, and no one wants that.
Right … so first-time mom Kara is not a fun person. In ideal, pre-baby conditions, you are a FUN person. You are gracious, talk in complete sentences, can make jokes, and can listen with a compassionate ear. But first-time mom Kara is more than a little neurotic and a teensy bit batty (and by teensy bit, I mean a lot. Crying on a walk because your husband kicked you out of the house to get fresh air is a bad sign.) Being new to motherhood and extremely sleep-deprived, well, those things did not bring out the best version of yourself.
First-time mom Kara, people aren’t going to do things exactly the same as you would, and the world will not end (this is actually a life-truth, not just a mom-truth). For example, your dear, dear friends who agreed to babysit your child will be able to put your baby to bed without the step-by-step swaddling tutorial and the teddy bear you left swaddled as an example. Dial down the crazy, dear.
You probably did not need to threaten to call the cops on the entire neighborhood the 4th of July when there were fireworks going off at 9 p.m.
Or make Lance go and try to pay off the construction workers to work faster (and quieter) at putting in a new water main just down the street.
And that poor lactation consultant who called you every day for six weeks and gave you her cell phone number so you could call her on vacation — you should probably still send her a thank you letter even though it’s been five years. I bet she remembers you (and your craziness). Because normal people probably don’t chart intake at every single feeding for an entire year. (I actually bought a baby scale so I could see how much my son was eating at every feeding. Amazon Prime exists for new moms who can’t leave the house at 2 a.m.)
I know that all of those little problems seemed insurmountable and huge at the time, and I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that everything seems insurmountable to someone sleep-deprived. But listen here, first-time mom Kara. You will get through this. Life will not always be this hard. You will sleep longer than two hours at a time. Your life will have margin again. You will not be ruled by sleep schedules until your dying day.
You will be okay. Seriously, I’m not lying, first-time mom Kara. You will get through this. Take a deep breath. Okay, maybe two deep breaths.
Second-time mom Kara