You Can Do This

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Des Moines Moms Blog has been intentional about celebrating moms this month by sharing our writers’ birth stories and experiences. As we celebrate Mother’s Day and remember becoming mothers, our stories bring joy, sweet memories, and some of our stories bring heartache and raw emotion. Mine brings both.

You Can Do This

My journey into motherhood started with a panic attack. At 17 years old, I sat in the bathroom with my mom, FREAKING OUT over the two pink lines on the pregnancy test. How? How did this happen? How was I going to go on with my life? How was I going to tell my dad? My sister? Would my boyfriend want anything to do with all of this? My mother supported me: “You can do this.”

Facing my dad, my sister, my family, my friends, my church. Feeling guilty, shameful… feeling so young, too young. Overwhelmed. I don’t think I can do this. I wasn’t meant to do this. Not now. Not without a college degree… a career… a husband. This isn’t right. My boyfriend whispered, “You can do this.”

You Can Do This

As the summer before my senior year of high school faded, my courage to enter my high school, six months pregnant, began to fade as well. Everyone will whisper. What if I have contractions at school? Will my teachers really let me use the restroom that much? How can I face each day? My two best friends confirmed, “You can do this.”

5:00 a.m. December 1, 2004, my water breaks. It’s time. It’s time to become a mother. It’s time to go to the hospital, channel any strength inside of me that I have left and come home a mother. With a tiny little person. One that depends on me… one that needs me to have my crap together. I don’t. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t do this. The nurses cheered, “You can do this.”

1:44 p.m. The doctor’s hands work frantically to untangle the umbilical cord from the baby’s neck. They hand me a small, seven-pound baby with a face tinted blue. I hear the first little whimper of a cry. What is it? A boy or a girl? Is it okay? Did I do it right? Mom, seriously, is it a boy or a girl? “It’s a girl, sweetheart.” I hold that baby girl and cry tears of joy. For the first time in this journey, I actually believe the mantra that so many have told me over the past seven months – “You can do this.”

Fear and anxiety overwhelms me as I strap that sweet baby girl into her car seat and head home. How can I possibly give her everything she needs? Will her daddy be in her life? What if I’m not good enough? I don’t know how to be a mother. I can barely take care of myself, some days. I don’t think this is for me. That still, strong voice whispers to my heart, “You can do this. I am enough for you.”

You Can Do ThisTen years later, I still have my doubts if I can do this. Every time, God rescues me from my doubt and fear. With my husband, her daddy, by my side. My family eager and willing to pour out love on us. Countless friends who speak truth to my life that, really, can any of us do this? God provides grace exactly when I need it, and exactly the amount I need.

Becoming a mother has been the most heart wrenching, hard, crazy beautiful thing I have ever done. I am beyond grateful for the people in my life who have reminded me time and time again, “You can do this. You are not alone.”

Mamas, may you know that you can do this and that you are not alone.

Read more about my journey into motherhood: Becoming a Mama at Age 18 and Teen Mom.

4 COMMENTS

  1. I too was a mom at 17. My son is now almost 14. There is so many unknowns but things just have a working itself out. Great read and thanks for sharing.

  2. I agree, this is one of the best from someone who has taught me so much about motherhood. Such a good post and I cry every.single.time. Love you, Rach!

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