How To Be a Happier Type A Mom

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type a mom lessons in parentingI see A. I see Z. I plot the most efficient and effective way to get there. I walk fast, I think fast, I talk fast, and I am annoying sometimes. My (loving?) family is pretty sure I am Type A and enjoys calling me A++.

When we had our first son, I took over. I didn’t mean to, or even realize I was doing it at the time, it just happened. It was partly due to my Type A tendencies and partly due to being the mom.

As we got our feet under us as new parents, I backed off (a little) because I am thankfully married to someone who keeps me in check. 

One kid? Hard, life changing and all that. Two kids?

My attention was divided.

I couldn’t do everything.

Crap.

You know what happened? We were all better off.

Our second son bonded more quickly with my husband because he was doing more baby things. That made him a more confident parent. The older kid got a lot more fun time with daddy. And, though life was way more chaotic, I was happier because we were more of a team.

In my Type-A world this is what the bedtime routine looked like: Lavender lotion at exactly 6 p.m., followed by four books, one bottle, seven minutes of rocking, the sound machine on, and the lights dim. I learned if that doesn’t happen, it’s okay. The world won’t end.

Your five-year-old gets a Clone cone, Sour Patch Kids, Sprite, and a hot dog but had a great time with dad at the game? Hold your tongue. The kid will come down from the sugar high eventually.

Keeping your kids out at a VFW (aka: a community bar) until 10 p.m.? It’s fine. Everyone will recover, and no one’s sleep schedule will be decimated.

By completely taking over or critiquing your husband when he does things differently than you, you’re not helping anyone. He may eventually stop trying because he’ll get ridiculed anyway, so why bother? You’ll become frustrated because he’s “not doing anything” or “why can’t he handle bed time and give me just ONE night out?!”

Life isn’t perfect. Your kid isn’t perfect and your parenting isn’t perfect. Holding yourself and someone else to extremely high standards that you made up won’t benefit anyone. Take it from a fellow Type A (ish) and save yourself some angst.

Yes, it’s going to drive you nuts when you pick your kid up from daycare and wonder what he’s wearing. Seriously, on what planet do those clothes even match? But, he got there clothed by a parent who loves him and that’s what matters.

Type A personalities are extremely beneficial in a lot of situations. Cruises need to be directed. Ducks need to stay in line. Stuff needs to get done.

Our second son is not the duck who stays in line and I don’t think he ever will be. He taught me that dialing it back from time to time is a good thing – for all of us.

I can’t do it all. If I try? Everyone, including me, suffers.

Letting stuff go that truly doesn’t matter frees up time and mental space. Asking for help when I need it, even if it won’t be done my way, is a good thing. Lowering the expectations I have for myself and others makes us all a happier family.

Yes, I hate when the towels aren’t folded “right” and fall out of the closet, when the dishes aren’t put in the “right” cupboards and when my kids look ridiculous – but, none of that matters. And the energy spent pretending it does just isn’t worth it.

There are areas of my life that need all the Type A help they can get, but my linen closet isn’t one of them. 

Any other Type A moms out there? What have you learned since having kids? 

2 COMMENTS

  1. Ha! I was a wreck with my first baby! Onesies were folded perfectly, everything was sanitized and if anyone even THOUGHT about breathing near a pacifier, it was instantly washed and put in a pot of boiling water. Now, on my fourth baby and with three kids in elementary school, I’m happy if their clothes are clean and if their socks mostly match! I get ya, mama!

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