I don’t feel guilty about working outside of the house full-time. I’m really proud of my career, and I enjoy my job. I try not to beat myself up when I drop my kiddo off at daycare (although it is the least favorite part of my day). But, I do miss her while I’m in meetings or tapping away at my computer throughout the day. I miss her terrribly! I focus on work. I do, I really do. However, there are moments in the day when I wonder how she’s doing, what game she’s playing, or even if she’s missing her daddy and me.
She’s two-and-a-half, so sending her to daycare with a cell phone would be a bit ridiculous. But, I really wish I could. I wish I could text her randomly throughout the day or call her during lunch to see how she’s doing. I know she’s in good hands, but kids grow up so quickly that I selfishly wonder what I’m missing in those nine hours each day.
Work takes up enough of my focus and thoughts that I don’t struggle ALL day, but Little Lady… just know that I’m thinking of you.
I know you want me to sit by you at the tiny breakfast table all morning while you finish your milk and cereal at “school.” You tell me repeatedly, “Sit by me, sit by me,” and it breaks my heart a little each time I get up from that tiny table. I know you would love to introduce me to each one of your little friends and have me play with every toy in the room. You’re so excited about all things in life right now.
It’s a privilege that we live in a country where women have so many choices. One choice I’ve made is to work outside the home. Someday, if you have kiddos, you’ll get to choose your lifestyle as well.
I think of your fun catchphrases, how you are doing with your bathroom routine, what you’re learning, if you’re playing outside, and sometimes I worry that maybe a rowdy boy has taken a toy away from you. But, most of all, I’m picturing your sweet face and the big hug we’ll share when I pick you up at the end of the day. Let this be known — you’re always in Mommy’s thoughts, and the best part of my day is when I get to bring you home!