SIDS Awareness: Sarah’s Story

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Isaiah and SarahIt was a nightmare before Christmas, 7 years ago. Mom and I were putting together Christmas cookie plates. Sarah, my 3-month-old daughter, was sleeping soundly in Mom’s room while my 2-year-old son was sleeping in another.

“Where’s the ribbon?” I asked Mom.

“In my bedroom closet.” she replied. Very quietly, I sneaked into the room to get the ribbon. I glanced over to check on Sarah and found her face down. My heart held still as I turned her head, hoping she was okay. I noticed her face was discolored. My heart sank deeper, choking every rational thought out of my head. I lifted her limp body, observing her, but only knew to scream for Mom.

The look on my face told her everything. With her instructions I rushed to get the phone, telling my husband, “Go to Sarah!”

Before I knew what was happening, paramedics were in my mom’s room, trying to get Sarah to breathe.

I never pleaded with God so fervently in my whole life, as I stood in the doorway, helpless.

With no conclusion, arriving at the hospital, we waited the desperate wait. They finally let us see her and I noticed the nurses still performing CPR. I touched Sarah’s arm, her skin now white as snow. I felt the cold. I turned to my husband and in a shrieking voice said, “She’s gone!”

The nurses waited for my husband’s permission to stop.

Isaiah at Sarah's stone
Isaiah at Sarah’s stone

It took 10 weeks to confirm cause of death: “Unknown.”

That word leaves everyone staring into an emptiness… so full of questions, with no answers.

My faith was tested… to accept an unknown, with nothing black or white to stand on. I was staring into the emptiness, knowing my faith had to shatter it.

SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is one big question mark. It takes babies away so suddenly with no warning, no symptoms, and no trace of how it happened. There are numerous theories out there, but not one has held enough water to be confirmed as the cause of death.

I could list all the “reducing risks of SIDS factors” (and you can read them here); but what every SIDS parent knows is that, regardless of “factors,” we are given the autopsy reports telling us that they still can’t find any reason.

A sister label, SUID (Sudden Unexpected Infant Death), has the same reports, only these babies had one or more of the “factors.” But still… no suffocation occurred, no strangulation, no being overheated… nothing.

“Factors” or no factors, it seemed to make no difference in the end.

Cause of death: “Unknown.”

Grief is a life-long process. Time passes, but the hurt will always be there. We will always be missing a child when we count heads. As a Christian, I know that Sarah is safe now. I found comfort in the people that surrounded us. The support we received from others – whether it was meals, financial help, or simply hugs and an ear – all meant so much to us.

The local SIDS support group was so very helpful, as well. There is nothing like being in the company of others who know where you’ve been.

Why an awareness month?

Because there are people who still believe that a medical reason can be found.

Because there are grieving families who need to find support and who have a desire to be understood.

Because we want the world to remember the babies we’ve lost.

Because even though SIDS can’t be prevented, can’t be treated, can’t be traced, we want you to cherish every moment you have with your sweet babies.

Sarah and I

If you or anyone you know needs support, you can check out this website: http://www.iowasids.org/.


Meet Guest Blogger Kailan Wing

Kailan Wing head shotI’m Kailan. I’m a melancholy who’s sanguine enough to admit it. I’ve been married to my best friend for over 10 years, and our 6th child is on the way. I’m blessed to be able to homeschool my children. My husband and I write music and sing together. I love the arts and I love to write. I write in my blog, Bondservant by Blood, to share my testimonies of multiple types of grief and various trials I’ve had to face and grow from. I share so I can sit with the lonely, hold the hopeless, and ultimately show God’s love.

 

4 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks for sharing Kailan, there is nothin harder than losing a child. But Praise God that you have used her short life and death for His glory.

  2. Kailin, Your story is so touching, it brought fresh tears to my eyes. I know what it’s like to lose a child. As painful as the death of my daughter was for our family, at least we had an answer of sorts. Although, in our case, the answer fathered so many more questions.
    Thanks for sharing.

    Anna

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