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Overcoming Gender Disappointment: My Story of Having ANOTHER Boy

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I truly didn’t care whether I was having a boy or girl. I knew I wanted one boy and one girl, and I wouldn’t have any disappointment with either gender with my first baby. When I found out it was a boy at my 20 week ultrasound, I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to call everyone and tell them the good news! I loved being a mom to this little boy.

Not much later, people started asking when we were going to start “trying for a girl.” When I announced my second pregnancy, people asked if we were hoping for a girl. It seems that in our society, a perfect family needs to have at least one boy and one girl. It’s hard for me to admit that I completely bought in to that thinking, too.

Overcoming Gender Disappointment: My Story of Having ANOTHER Boy | Des Moines Moms Blog

Baby Number Two

Three years after my first baby’s birth, I went to my 20 week ultrasound pregnancy with my second baby. I had lots of dreams and feelings that this baby would be a girl. I just knew the ultrasound technician would tell me that I was having a girl. We went in to the dark room, and I loved seeing all the little parts on the monitor. The time came for us to find out if this baby was a boy or girl. With a big smile, I said, “YES! We really want to know!”

Then she said the words I wasn’t expecting to hear: “You’re having a BOY!!”

My reaction wasn’t quite what I had expected. I started crying–like really sobbing crying. When the technician asked if I was okay, I just lied and said, “Yes! I am just so happy!”

I mean, what kind of mother cries tears of disappointment at her baby’s ultrasound??

My Disappointment and Meltdown

My husband and I returned to our car in the parking lot, and I totally lost it. I was crying for many reasons. First, I knew we’d likely only have two children, and finality of not having a daughter overwhelmed me. I wouldn’t have anyone to dress up in cute clothes, to do crafts with, or to take to softball practice. No hair bows, glitter, or dance shoes.

What made me even more emotional was the fact that I was actually disappointed. I was angry at myself for being ungrateful. The technician just told me that the baby looked really healthy and everything was perfect. Shouldn’t I be thankful and happy? Why wasn’t I enjoying this blessing of a healthy baby boy? I truly felt like the world’s worst mother. I thought of those women who were sad because they learned their baby wasn’t healthy, or even worse. I had no reason to be sad.

Finding Comfort

Later that night as I was telling my family that it was another boy (and still an emotional wreck), my father reminded me that I was indeed just like my grandmother. She was a mother of two boys, and I’ve always associated myself with her as I’ve grown into a mother and adult myself. Once I learned that I really was following in her footsteps, I found some peace with being a boymom. I talked to other boymoms and learned that there was a sort or secret society that I was earning a place in. They told me stories of their mama’s boys, being queen of the house, and how to overcome fart jokes. I quickly found my love for being a boymom and can’t imagine my life without my youngest son.

Here’s my disclaimer: Please know that even though I have two boys, they still do crafts with me on occasion, and I definitely do some “girly” things with them. And, I found a way to get my girl fix whenever I need it: loving on my nieces and goddaughters!

I’d love to know if you had any feelings of disappointment at your ultrasound! Leave me your comments and experiences below!

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4 Responses to Overcoming Gender Disappointment: My Story of Having ANOTHER Boy

  1. ella July 12, 2016 at 4:08 pm #

    I’m devastated to find out my second and last is a boy. I took a gamble and it failed. I should have stuck with one beautiful son. Now I grieve for a daughter. There seems to very little support out there. I feel alone, my husband doesn’t understand.

  2. Val C. January 3, 2017 at 2:01 am #

    Pregnant with my 4th boy. Still haven’t really come to terms with the realization that I will never ever have my girl.

  3. Morgan February 16, 2017 at 5:29 am #

    Honestly, I don’t feel like this is an uncommon thing for women to experience. I clearly remember the day my friend called me in an absolute meltdown because she had just received the news that she was having another boy. She was convinced her baby was a girl and was completely beside herself. She’s now a proud boymom of 3!
    So when the time came for my first pregnancy, my husband and I chose not to know the gender before birth. He already had a boy from a previous marriage and was excited for whatever came along….we had a boy!! Second pregnancy came around and I had successfully convinced my husband (quite reluctantly) to let us find out the gender. When the ultrasound tech announced, “it’s a BOY!!” I turned and looked at my husband and said, “well I could have waited 9 months to hear that.” I love my boys more than anything in this world and wouldn’t trade them.

  4. Ann Christopher April 2, 2017 at 11:39 pm #

    I am a mother of 2 sons and grandmother to 1 grandson. My next grandchild is due in Sept. and I just found out its another boy. I acted thrilled at the gender reveal. But once home I cried. Don’t get me wrong, I will love this baby as much as I love the first one. But I always wanted a girl in addition to my boys and when I didn’t have one of my own, I always just assumed that I would have a granddaughter and that would be even better because I wouldn’t have to go through the terrible teens as her parent! 🙂 I didn’t even realize how much I still wanted one until after I got home from the revealing. I realize that I SO badly want a female connection within my family. I have one sister who is many years older and lives across the country from me and with whom I am not close . I have one niece from that sister so obviously I am also not close with her. My son and his wife have chosen to have only 2 children. I come from a small family so I didn’t have lots of cousins, aunts, etc. I didn’t think that this baby if a girl, would fill all that void, but it was just something I needed that my friends and family have gotten to experience. My daughter in law is also disappointed and I feel for her because she doesn’t have a sister and I know she was longing for a girl too. We will love this baby, but my heart has a piece missing and now I know that it will never be filled. It’s hard to process and I know that there are MUCH worse things to be dealing with, but it doesn’t take away my sadness and the fact that I have to give up a dream that I have had for soooo many years but didn’t even realize that until now. Thanks for listening.

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