This week is going to be tough and a bit overwhelming. I want to crawl back under the covers and hide in my dreams. Why? This week we relinquish parental rights of our 7-year-old daughter. Most adoption blogs have happy endings; ours does not.
For three years we tried to adopt Devine from Africa. My husband made four trips to visit her and I traveled once. His last trip, planned for two weeks, lasted two months, and he missed Christmas with the rest of us. Taking care of four kids, two of them under the age of 12 months, in the middle of the Iowa winter was tough. In effect, I became a single parent.
You see, we had completed all of the necessary steps and paid thousands of dollars. She was now officially Devine Hood… our daughter! This trip was simply to bring her home! She had Christmas gifts, a warm bed, a closet full of clothes and her brother and sisters ready to welcome her. With the adoption finalized and her passport in hand, Joshua and Devine made an appointment with the U.S. Consulate to receive her visa. Finally… coming home! Or, so we thought.
We were wrong. The U.S. Consulate denied her visa. Senator Grassley and Congressman Braley made phone calls and issued our case to their respective staffs. The Consular official said, “Our best advice is to go home.” “What about my daughter?” Joshua replied. “We cannot advise you with that.” So, Devine would remain without parents and Joshua would return home feeling like a failure. The daughter he had kissed goodnight for nearly 2 months was stuck.
Joshua’s return home should have been joyous. Instead, he dealt with reverse culture shock, endless questioning and the loss of Devine. He felt alone trying to make sense of the grave situation, and I had to re-adjust to his presence and the realization of how much he had been missed. The stress took a toll on our marriage. What we experienced while apart was eventually confided, and we remembered the strength of our togetherness.
We contacted everyone possible. We hired the best attorneys, often spending more per month on attorney fees than our house payment. We yelled… screamed… prayed… and cried. Eventually, people lost interest and hope in our case, and our funds dried up.
Although I promised, “I love you and I will be back for you,” I have come to realize that we cannot legally do it. That’s why we choose to relinquish our rights. Unless we let her go, no one else can adopt her. Our hope is that someone will come forward in her country. Someone else will choose to love our precious Devine. At least we hope. .
Adoption is not easy. It’s expensive, it’s time consuming and it will make you question everything you know about God, your government and love. But… it will also bless you to the moon and back when it works!
I am sharing our story of devastation, not to deter you from adopting, but to encourage you who are suffering in silence – those caught in the thick of a disrupted adoption. Had I let my fears and anger about Devine’s process stop me from continuing the adoption path, we would not have Ty and Zola, both adopted domestically into our family.
There are an estimated 153,000,000 orphans worldwide. Approximately 400,000 children who reside in the USA don’t live at “home.” Of those, at least 27,000 “age out” of the system every year. Not all of us will adopt, but each of us can help in some way. I believe every child should know someone fought for her.
Who will you fight for?
Meet Guest Blogger Shayla Hood
Shayla Hood is generally at home caring for 5 children. She works part-time from home processing adoptions and also assists in her father’s homebuilding business. She spends free time advocating for various adoption and human rights issues. She and her husband, Joshua, reside in Central Iowa and are always up for the next adventure.
thank you for sharing your heart transparently with us, Shayla. We will be praying for your family. You are a strong and courageous mama and an example to all those who know you and your story!
So, so, so hard. My heart aches for your loss. We’ve had a failed adoption in the past but we were never as far into it as you were so while I know a piece of the pain I don’t fully understand exactly what you experienced.
This is why it is so important to make sure your adoption is legal under the laws of both countries… and to remember that just because people who want your money tell you its legal, doesn’t mean it really is… from someone who has faced a similar heartbreak in a differnt country, No visa if the adoption isnt legal.