You’re a busy mama, and you want to pamper yourself a little and paint your nails. If only it were that easy!
Here’s what it looks like when I try to paint my nails:
1. Give baby a sufficient distraction:: food, loud toy, dad’s phone. Anything.
2. Sneak upstairs to your bathroom to retrieve nail polish remover and cotton balls.
3. Hear baby throw distraction and shuffle down the hall calling for “mama”. Hustle to remove nail polish that is 2 months old.
4. Accidentally knock nail polish remover over on the bathroom counter.
5. Whisper curse words as it strips the stain off of your cabinets. We were going to paint those anyways, right?
6. Baby is now crying at the bottom of the gated stairs. You’re also crying because you spilled the remover like an idiot. Clean it up, fasten the lid, wash hands, go downstairs.
7. At naptime, shower to wash off remover from toes.
8. Pick pretty spring nail color from your ridiculous collection of various shades of reds and purples.
9. Put on clear base coat.
10. Watch Netflix while your nails dry.
11. Realize you wasted too much time watching Jim Gaffigan. The baby will be up soon. Shake the nail polish.
12. In an effort to get this fun color on your nails, you don’t notice the drop that falls on the carpet until you see the bright pink dot.
13. Panic. Try to blot with nail polish remover cotton ball. Watch it spread instead. Think “well! We want to replace this carpet anyways.”
14. Hear the baby wake up.
15. Put the nail polish up high to keep out of reach.
16. Retrieve the baby. Continue about your day with shiny nails. Decide it’s better than nothing.
17. The baby surprises you with a simple, early bedtime.
18. Scroll social media on the couch while hubs watches TV.
19. Glance at your fingernails. Realize you intended to paint those today and now is the perfect time! “But, where did I put that nail polish?”
20. Spend an hour looking for it.
21. Find the nail polish on bedroom dresser. Sit down to paint toes and fingers.
22. Get one coat on. Sit in bed, just until it dries.
23. Pass out.
24. Wake up. See smudged nails and accept defeat.
25. Return to step 1. Or, just decide to treat yo’ self and go get a mani-pedi!