Passionate About Des Moines
and the Moms Who Live Here

I Don’t Have a Mom Tribe and Sometimes that Sucks

Motherhood can sometimes be an isolating experience. It can especially feel this way if you are a stay-at-home mama. Sometimes you feel like everyone else has their social lives put together except for you.

I don’t have a “mom tribe” and sometimes that sucks. 

I get a little envious (ok a lotta envious) of the moms who have what they call their “tribe,” which is a group of other moms they are extremely close with, trust to watch their kids, go on outings with, spill their hearts out to, and become like family to them. I don’t have that.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a few really great friends. One of whom is also a mom and has been my closest friend since we were in middle school. Our daughter’s are exactly 6 weeks apart, so we’ve always had that “motherhood” connection as well.

The few friends I do have I know would drop anything to help me and be there to support me through anything. I also have an amazing family who is extremely supportive. But I don’t have that big group of ladies to go out to lunch with, or to hang out with on date nights with our significant others. I don’t have that group of “couple friends” who take family vacations together or throw Super Bowl parties together.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve brought this on myself, or if I’m just not at the stage of life for my “tribe” yet.

I’m staying home with my daughter and don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but I wonder if I would make more mom friends if I was working?

My daughter isn’t quite two yet: Will I make more mom friends once she’s in school and involved in activities? Am I not outspoken enough? Am I too shy? Am I making excuses?

Making friends can be tough.

Why is it so hard to make mom friends? Why does it feel like everyone already has their established group of friends?

Is it just me who feels this way, or does anyone else struggle with this?

Why does it sometimes feel like making friends at this age is almost like dating?

I’ll spot another mom at library story time or the science center and think “Should I go up and talk to her?” “What will I say?” “I wonder if she would ever want to have a play date and hang out?” “If we hit it off, do I ask for her number?” “Does she already have her ‘tribe’?”

It literally feels like I’m trying to ask this poor mom on a date! It’s embarrassing, and I never end up talking to her in the first place. Could she have been part of my “tribe” though? I’ll never know.

The first step is trying

I’ll never know if I never ask. I’ll never make other mom friends if I don’t try. I fully know this, so this year I’m going to be more intentional about making connections.

How? I’m not quite sure yet. But this first step is trying. I also will continue to appreciate the few close friendships I do have. I cherish those and am so thankful for them. Maybe they are already my tribe? If so, I’m forever thankful for them.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you make connections?

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5 Responses to I Don’t Have a Mom Tribe and Sometimes that Sucks

  1. Mommy of 2 littles February 28, 2018 at 7:30 am #

    You are NOT alone. I feel the EXACT same way! I felt like this before our recent move but even more so now that we moved back to my hometown. I thought it would be better back home but it’s worse. I guess because I had high expectations. All of those friends never left or their kids are all much older than mine! It is extremely lonely!

  2. Jessica Cezar February 28, 2018 at 4:00 pm #

    I also moved back to my hometown! It is definitely very different. I’m glad to know I’m not alone but I also wish it was different for the both of us! I’ll continue to try to involve myself in activities around Des Moines and hope for the best.

    • Victoria March 20, 2018 at 4:30 pm #

      This is so funny Jess, awesome writing, also very true! I will pm you more! Btw thanks for speaking out for us moms out here doing the Lord’s work! Lol 👐🏽👏🏽👍🏽😂

  3. Kayla May 29, 2018 at 4:38 am #

    I 100% know what you’re going through! I’ve wanted to write a post like this so many times. I’ve also had that awkward moment where you meet another mom and you feel like you hit it off but then at the end you don’t know what to do because it feels like you’re trying to ask them on a date. Know you aren’t alone, and please give tips when you figure out what to do! Haha.

  4. somer July 28, 2018 at 1:14 pm #

    I work full time and feel. like you I have my story system but not the mom tribe. I don’t want to come off desperate… it’s so hard to initiate new friendships

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