Mom: You Have Superpowers

Whether you’ve been a mom for 1 week or 1,000 weeks, you already know this:

You have superpowers.

Oh, you might trick the people around you with your minivan-driving, yoga pants-wearing, soccer mom persona. But, underneath that alias lies a true marvel, complete with uncanny abilities and surprising feats of strengths and smarts. Maybe Hollywood hasn’t called to feature you in their latest blockbuster (yet), but you can bet your kid’s world would come to an end if you didn’t keep it spinning each and every day.

You roam the halls of justice (and your home) fighting crime, protecting your citizens, and restoring order. You swoop in and save the day only to rush off to fight the next battle before anyone can give you the key to the city you so richly deserve.

From one superhero to another, I salute you.

Our justice league is full of amazing members, so I took a moment to list a few of them and describe their superpowers. You’ll likely find yourself relating to multiple members because of your unique gifting. Don’t concern yourself if you don’t possess every superpower. Your fellow mom heroes have you covered. Together, good will triumph over evil in our children’s lives and the world.

The Finder

The Finder knows where every child, husband, or pet is at any given moment. The Finder can pinpoint the exact location of every family member in the home (and beyond) and is rarely heard asking, “Where is your brother?”

The Finder can also locate all lost items. That sock, those keys, or the permission slip left in the van are no match for her. She can walk into any room and immediately find what every other family member already searched twenty minutes for and walked past ten times. The Finder wows her family when, from the comfort of her desk at work, she locates a library book in the living room, never having seen or touched the item before.

The Finder’s ideal job: bounty hunter.

The Juggler

The Juggler performs astonishing feats of multi-tasking. She can respond to a work email and quiz her daughter in spelling all while cooking dinner and folding laundry. Mothers of multiples qualify for a super race of Jugglers holding two or more children at a time while vacuuming, brushing their teeth, and making mental grocery lists. Speaking of groceries, you’ll never go hungry when The Juggler’s around. The Juggler is an expert at serving dinner three different times in one evening due to busy schedules, not to mention her ability to organize a carpool to guarantee everyone is where they need to be when they need to be there.

However, the Juggler’s multi-focused energy isn’t limited to mere tasks. She can listen to her husband describe his day while monitoring an ensuing sibling fight in the other room all while catching up on her favorite podcast. The Juggler’s hands are always full and yet her nine-year-old will still ask, “Mommy, can you hold this for me?”  

The Juggler’s kryptonite: sitting still doing nothing.

The Doctor

The Doctor may not have a medical license, but she might as well have MD behind her name. The Doctor knows her kids are sick with one look or smell. She can see this illness brewing hours or days before due to lack of sleep, the rubbing of ears, or the absence of appetite.

The Doctor has a built-in thermometer in the palm of her hand and a high threshold for blood, snot, and vomit. She knows on sight whether a cut requires stitches, the fastest route to the ER, and that her kiss has healing powers.

The Doctor’s ideal job: EMT.

The Magician

The Magician can make something out of nothing. Whether that’s a nutritious meal out of what’s left in the fridge or a school project the night before it’s due, the Magician pulls masterpieces out of thin air with ease and on budget. Cardboard, duct tape, and glitter can be found in her magic hat, along with chicken, salsa, and an Instant Pot.

Making things disappear is The Magician’s favorite trick. Socks are quite common, as are the last sleeve of Thin Mints. With a call from her in-laws, The Magician has been known to wave her wand and a clean house suddenly appears. But, don’t look too closely in the closets, under beds, or behind closed doors. A Magician never reveals her tricks! And don’t think a stain stands a chance in her laundry room. Whether it’s blood, mustard, grass, or some unidentified sticky substance, those spots are gone as fast as you can say alakazam!

The Magician’s greatest trick: spending one hour making a meal so wonderful no one will eat it.

The Mouth

The Mouth speaks in loud tones and yet no one seems to hear her. Her lips are moving and words are coming out, and yet, it goes unnoticed. 

The Mouth repeats her phrases over and over again, apparently just to hear herself speak. Her lung capacity is a marvel.

When The Mouth’s words do breakthrough, they are typically forgotten within seconds or her advice is rejected as ridiculous until another individual offers up the exact same idea and it’s then deemed as brilliant. If The Mouth includes your first, middle, and last name when speaking to you, you better straighten up immediately or prepare for the consequences.

The Mouth’s ideal job: Charlie Brown’s teacher

The Sensei

The Sensei’s five senses are on hyperdrive. Her sense of smell can detect dirty diapers, sippy cups of milk left under the car seat, freshly showered (or unshowered) hair, dirty socks, and breath betraying of alcohol or cigarettes. In mere days (a week tops!), her nose will sniff out the mildew smell of laundry left in the washing machine.

The Sensei’s eyesight is something to behold. Not only can she stop mouthy children with one perfected look, the eyes in the back of her head are legendary. With nary a turn of her body, the Sensei knows exactly what just happened behind her, much to her family’s amazement and chagrin. Her children have searched for these back-of-the-head eyes with zero results, but they know them to exist nonetheless.

Finally, the Sensei has supersonic selective hearing, able to block out whining, arguing, and the 20-minute story she’s heard 47 times already while catching every naughty word whispered or the muffled cries of a newborn in the middle of the night from the depths of a deep sleep. If The Sensei hears nothing, she knows hijinks are underway and she puts a stop to that tomfoolery in seconds flat.

The Sensei at her finest: thwarting plans.

The Intuit

The Intuit is The Sensei’s partner in (breaking up) crime. The Intuit doesn’t need her senses, she just knows. She knows when her son had a bad day. She knows if her daughter actually cleaned her room. And she knows when the family is almost out of toilet paper without even checking. Her powers to read minds are extraordinary. Lie about where you’ve been? Think again, Joker! The Intuit knows. Don’t ask her how she just does.

The Intuit’s ideal job: human lie detector for the FBI.

Some mom superpowers defy categorization. The ability to navigate the school pick up lane, to open up a bag of cereal without spilling it everywhere, and to save electricity by being the only one who turns off the lights in your home are important, world-saving skills to be recognized and commended. Not to mention the dual-capacity to shower in five minutes flat while the baby is napping OR rock the dry-shampooed hair for the fourth day in a row.

You save your family’s world each and every day and this fellow supermom sees that. You might hide your favorite ice cream bars under frozen vegetables in the freezer and hide in the garage while you eat them, but that doesn’t make you any less heroic.

In fact, it makes you awesome.

PS: Thanks to the many moms who shared their unique superpowers with me. This post is a reflection of your responses and I hope it honors what a hero you are to your family and to me. Thank you!