In a quest to be completely real, I’m going all out and sharing some of my deepest, darkest mom secret confessions. I like to think most days I’m doing okay at life — no one has died from diseases caught at my house, I show up where I’m supposed to be (mostly on time), and I usually remember people’s names. My kids are usually not too sticky, and everyone has been fed and watered. If that’s not #winning, I don’t know what is.
But I do know there are enough people posing on the Internet who “appear” to have it totally together, so I figured it was time for me to lighten things up and share my “mom confessions.”
1. Sometimes I let my daughter rummage through the fridge while I’m trying to get supper on the table. Yogurt, condiments, and leftovers are strewn everywhere.
2. I regularly threaten my son by telling him if he continues to be mean or to not pick up his toys, that I’m going to ship all of them off to his cousin.
3. When my husband calls to tell me he’s going to be home late, he knows my sanity may or may not be in tact upon return.
4. One day my daughter was completely inconsolable for the entire afternoon. Nothing would help. I finally gave up, left her crying in the living room with her big brother, and went to the back of the house and hid. She finally cried herself to sleep on the rug and was woken up when my husband got home from work.
5. My son has figured out how to turn on the TV on Saturday mornings, find PBS Kids, and tuck into a snack while mom and dad sleep in. “Snack” may or may not include candy.
6. I’ve been known to take the money from my son’s Valentine’s card from his great grandma and buy myself lunch. Desperate times, desperate measures.
8. There is stuff stuck to my wood floors that I have no idea what it is. Banana? Green monster smoothie? Vegetable beef soup? The item is beyond recognition.
9. I regularly sneak out of the house after my kids are asleep to throw out art projects. Alas, my son has caught me on several occasions and will pillage the recycle bin to make sure nothing precious has been tossed.
10. More often than not, I forget to set the timeout timer. One minute for every year old they are? Sure… or whenever mom remembers timeout is over.
11. For Parents Day at preschool, my son drew a picture of us scolding the cat for getting hair all over the guest bed. Yikes.
12. Everything that my son is good at (eating, sleeping, amusing himself), my daughter is terrible at. It’s like I learned nothing from my first child. Or like having two separate children. Wait a minute….
13. My inquisitive, precious four-year-old asks a lot of questions. Emphasis on A LOT. By the end of the day, my pat answer is, “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask your dad.” My husband encourages his questions because “inquiring minds like to know things.” I, on the other hand, tell my son if he asks one more “why” question, momma is going to go crazy.
14. Every time I leave the house at night, it’s to “run errands” regardless of the actual reason. This eliminates any desire for my son to want to go with me where ever I might be going.
15. I put sour cream on everything my son eats. Because in his opinion, if it has sour cream, it tastes good.
Did I make you smile or make you feel a little bit better about your own mom failures? Share your “mom confessions” in the comments!