I Miss My Kindergartner!

My sweet first born is in KINDERGARTEN! Seriously, how does that even happen? I swear I was just changing his newborn diapers, nursing him and then snuggling with him before putting him in his huge crib. Remember how tiny they looked the first time you put them in their crib?! Makes my heart hurt just a little…so tiny! Now, he busts out the door every morning saying “I love you, Mom! Hope you and Hutchy have a great day!”

It is crazy. He spends more time in school than he spends with me. We are 4o days in and it still doesn’t feel normal yet. It seems that every person that I come in contact with asks me the following questions, in this order…

1. How does Finnean like school?
2. How is Hutchinson doing with his big brother gone?
3. How are YOU doing?

Ugh. That last one is the hard one to answer. I usually don’t feel like crying in the middle of the day, so I have a very nice response of “it is great, we are getting used to our new normal.” BUT what I really want to shout is I MISS HIM! I hate not knowing what he is up to all day long. I want to keep him safe from mean kids. I want to hug him when a kid knocks him down on the playground. I want to be there to give him a thumbs up when he gets a math problem right. I want to love on him all day!

Okay, okay. I know, I can’t keep him in my safety bubble forever. Of course, I want him to be independent. I want him to be brave. I want him to learn to thrive without me around but it is SO hard. He is the first one.

So, I have been thinking, how do I get over being so dang sad about him being in school? This is what I have come up with…I will encourage him in whatever he is learning about, I will give him my best smile when I pick him up from school and most of all, I will make time for him. Time for JUST him.

One on one time – you know that elusive little thing that disappears with a second child, yeah that – we need that one on one time. I was reminded last weekend that it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Finnean and I spent 30 minutes making homemade granola together while my husband took the little brother to the store. It was fantastic. We giggled, we made a mess, we talked about math (his favorite subject) and then we played – like get on the floor and played while the granola baked. No phone, no music. Just us. I loved just soaking up his gigantic smile, his funny jokes and his hugs. Most of all I soaked up him being that exact age, because the next day, he got a little older.

Here’s to being a little less sad that he is off to school to learn so many amazing things and to soaking him up when he is here. Here’s to being the best cheerleader he has and here’s to enjoying the little moments.