“You can do anything!”
It’s the four-word refrain parents, teachers, and coaches proclaim on a daily basis to the kids in their care. From the time they are infants taking their first steps to high school graduates choosing their next steps, we repeat this phrase over and over again.
It’s well-meaning. We want our kids to believe in themselves and to know we believe in them, too. We want them to see the big world out there and be willing to try it all without ruling anything out because of their gender, race, or economic station. Our intentions are good.
But, can our kids really do anything?
Any?
Can they swim the English Channel? Can they star on Broadway? Can they play in the NFL? Can they discover a cure for cancer?
Most days my kids can’t remember to change their socks and, yet, I’m telling them they can do anything. This phrase by itself seems empty. Hollow. Not quite ringing true, because it assumes that who they currently are – their current level of skills, knowledge, or expertise – is enough to accomplish the lofty goals in their heads.
My nine-year-old has ambitions to play in the NBA. Or become a professional soccer player. Statistics (and his current height) show that neither of these goals is likely attainable for a small-town kid from middle America.
So, when my son says, “I want to play in the NBA,” do I respond with pie-in-the-sky, blind optimism? Or do I crush his dreams by breaking down the statistical unlikelihood?
Sure, he’s nine, so I’ll probably say, “Great, sounds like a fun job, buddy.” But what about my son who’s 14? If he expressed the same goal, what would my answer be?
Am I setting my kids up for failure or success by saying, “You can do anything.”?
This is the dilemma parents of this generation are facing. How do we encourage our kids to pursue their dreams while still setting them up for the cold reality of the world?
I think it’s by adding the following phrase to the you-can-do-anything sentence: “With ___________________.”
With work.
With experience.
With practice.
With education.
With training.
With grit.
With help.
With resources.
With time.
“With education and resources, I believe you could cure cancer.”
“With practice and opportunity (and height!), you could play in the NBA.”
“With experience, voice lessons, and the right contacts, you could star on Broadway.”
By adding, “With ___________________,” to the beginning, suddenly I’m setting up my kids up for success. I’m encouraging their dream while pointing out some needed steps to get there.
Now, maybe the “With ________________” statement is assumed. (Of course a nine-year-old can’t play in the NBA!) But, I’d rather make a tiny tweak to my language now than have a surprised 21-year-old on my hands when he isn’t drafted and, for the first time, someone tells him, “Sorry, you just don’t have what it takes.”
The “With _____________________” statement also encourages our kids to practice, learn, and embrace growth. There’s an inherent understanding that they don’t have what it takes right this very minute. Without shame or discouragement, they realize that reaching their dreams will take knowledge, time, and a whole lot of work.
If they can embrace the process of working toward a goal, this will serve them in the long run. And they just might discover they can do anything.
