I have always had a fear of spiders. Frozen in place, utter terror type of fear. Big or small, it does not matter. As I have grown to be an adult, I have gained a bit more perspective of the ridiculousness of my fear. Partially because my parents are not around to come running when I scream, and partially because my husband thinks I am insane for waking him up at 3 a.m. to kill something in the bathroom.
As my girls have gotten older, I realize that they reflect the fear that I have when they see spiders. (Although I am still somewhat convinced it might be genetic fear – because that is real, right??) I can see them beginning to panic and break down over the small bugs and spiders (or spider look-a-like objects). Even something as non-life threatening as a fly can spin my youngest into the panic cycle. So as their mom, it is my job to be the rescuer. To be the brave one.
Do you know how hard it is to be brave in front of your children when you are insanely terrified on the inside?
Recently, my husband had to take a three-day work trip. Believe it or not, in our almost ten years of marriage I have never spent one night alone in either of our houses. Nor have I ever had to take care of the girls by myself for more than a day. I was scared. Not because I didn’t think I could handle my children. But because I was afraid of being alone when almost anything could happen. Fire? Someone breaking into my house? Having to go to the hospital? All real scenarios that sent me into a tailspin of fear.
I mentioned something to my co-worker whose husband had spent time overseas serving our country. She gave me some great advice.
She said,
“Ashley – you can do it. You know why? Because you HAVE to do it. You HAVE to be brave because you are their mom.”
She was right. What good was it going to do if I spent all my time worrying about the what-if scenarios? Nothing. I had no choice but to be brave for my kids.
Every day we as moms (and dads) are tasked with being brave and facing our fears for our children. I hope that by facing my fears, I show my children that it’s okay to be afraid – also, that it is okay to face what is scaring us the most.
I will still probably call my husband to exterminate the spider lurking in my bathroom, though.
