I have tried desperately over the last few years to do it all. To make our lives run as smooth as possible, to be super mom, the super spouse and partner. To have the super career, be the super friend, sister, and daughter. I have tried frantically to be it all, do it all and “balance” it all.
I have tried to be in super shape and have a super perfect home. I have attempted to have a super career, combined with a super active and engaged family, volunteer, and community life.
You know what? After years of trying to be perfect, after years of chasing balance in my personal, professional, and family life, I found myself exhausted from trying so hard to be super at everything.
I was so fatigued and felt so unfulfilled. I was agitated, overly emotional, and short-tempered. I wasn’t happy. And I certainly wasn’t balanced.
When I finally decided to take step back, take a deep breath, and give myself permission to not have it all together and just accept this season for what it is, it felt like my entire life just fell into place. The “balance” I had been seeking for so long… only then did it seem to come naturally.
Perhaps it was the fact that I stopped caring about being so super and just accepting myself. Maybe it was allowing room for “imperfections” in my daily schedule, both personally and professionally. Or, perhaps it was realizing what an amazing life and family I already had and practicing gratitude for the life I’m living now.
I don’t know exactly what drove my desire for perfection in all areas of my life. I think some of it is just characteristic of who I am, but there are also a lot of external factors that play a part. Don’t get me wrong, I love social media but there are a lot of beautiful things that are posted and some of this is not realistic, nor real life. I think part of me subconsciously strove for the life that fits in that perfectly curated post. And I eventually couldn’t keep up.
I have also realized that balance doesn’t always mean everything in my life gets an equal part of my daily pie. Perhaps right now I’m not in perfect shape and exercise only happens once a week, but I am killing it in the career, parenthood, and friendship arena. Then the pendulum swings and it’s the exact opposite.
Or, then again, maybe my career is doing really well, but my house is a bit of a mess, and the homemade dinners aren’t being made as often. And finally, sometimes I’m doing awesome on the motherhood front, career front, and keeping my home in tip-top shape but I’m not prioritizing my marriage the way I should.
There never seems to be a perfect answer or the perfect balance to it all. And I’ve realized, that it’s okay I don’t have it all together.
I’ve stopped trying to be super.
I’ve tried to stop chasing perfection.
I’ve tried to embrace my flaws. I’ve asked for help and accepted my weaknesses. I’ve given up on balance. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but I’m trying to be okay with just being okay, and on a good day, a little better.