Disclaimer: Just like there are stay-at-home moms, working moms, Pinterest moms, and anti-slime moms, there are different kinds of allergy moms. Some of us avoid foods “manufactured in a facility” while others of us simply debate whether “may contain nuts” really pertains to grape jelly. We are all on a spectrum of how we deal with allergies. There’s no right and wrong – this is merely my experience as an allergy mom.
It all started when my Squirrel* was 8 months old and I introduced him to dairy for the first time. He promptly turned red, developed bumps all over, and started projectile vomiting like that pie scene in “Stand By Me.” He looked like a puking red toad. A quick call to First Nurse and my life completely changed. I started my Food Allergy Mom journey.
Turns out my Squirrel was severely allergic to peanuts, eggs (including baked in donuts – oh this still makes me sad!), tree nuts, soy protein, dairy, lentils, peas, green beans, and chickpeas. At the time, that felt like everything (it’s not.)
We had never experienced food allergies before. I had heard of food allergies, but honestly, I thought EpiPen’s were for people allergic to bees.
When you have a kiddo diagnosed with food allergies the world becomes a very scary place.
Ours is a world of details, calling restaurants in advance, clearing paths, educating, advocating, and a lot of trust. When the realization that every meal could be deadly to your kiddo hits you, it will literally take your breath away.
Pancake breakfasts with Santa are out and take-out is a no-go. There is no room for mistakes and as a newbie, you are going to make mistakes. We’ve experienced those mistakes first hand, and I don’t ever want to be there again.
There is also the realization that you are the mom of ONE OF THOSE KIDS.
Severe food allergies are considered a disability because they are life-threatening. You will be accused of being difficult and dramatic because you need to know exactly what is in the punch and where the cupcakes came from.
You will be blamed for ruining school birthday parties because the room is peanut-free.
Your kid will be put at a lunch table alone.
Does everyone around your kid know how to handle an EpiPen?
And how do I make it so my kid is still invited to playdates when his allergies make people anxious?
What do food allergy moms want the parents of nonallergic kids to know?
We want you to know we aren’t requesting nut-free schools to be troublesome. I love peanut butter too – it’s yummy, shelf-stable, and a cheap protein. But it can also really hurt my kid if your kiddo has a PBJ and the lunch table isn’t wiped down before my kiddo eats his lunch.
We aren’t trying to make you feel bad when we ask you where your party pizza is coming from or if we want to see the labels of all of the foods you are serving at VBS.
I don’t expect you to be a food allergy expert – that’s my job and why I am checking out what you are serving – so you don’t have to worry about it. We just need to make the world a little safer for our loves.
Instead of looking at our world as an inconvenience, you could be honored that we are trusting you to help keep our babies safe. That’s a big responsibility and we need all the friendly help we can get.
Trust me, if you feel anxious about his allergies, you have no idea the amount of fear I feel sending him out to the world without my watchful eye. But I have to. He needs to live his life and not let his disability hold him back.
We decided that food allergies will not stop us from living fully. After a few years of keeping to ourselves, I got over the reluctance of being “difficult.” I stopped being apologetic and started advocating instead.
Our motto is now “Have Allergies, Will Travel.” We go on vacation. I send cupcakes with my Squirrel to birthday parties. I provide safe snacks for him at school. I don’t want my son to miss experiences because of his allergies.
This year I am reluctantly sending him to overnight camp for the first time. Talk about having to trust the village to help me out. But I’m here, trust falling into your arms, hoping you’ll catch me and help protect one of the people I love most, just because you are a good person and won’t hold the inconvenience against me.
What has this journey taught us? We may have lost spontaneity but have gained courage. This world is not peanut/egg/soy/tree nut/chickpea-free.
My Squirrel needs to learn to navigate this world with his allergy and that means not hiding from experiences but adapting those experiences to his needs. We’ve learned that people will surprise us with kindness and consideration. It may seem like a small act of kindness to you to bake safe cupcakes for our kiddo, but for us, this is an act of love and it swells my heart.
This year my Squirrel started peanut desensitization therapy, which has been a journey of its own. It’s so scary. But we can choose to be scared of his allergy or we can choose to live with it. We’ll choose the latter.
*You have to note the irony that my Squirrel cannot eat nuts.
Jenny Reitano grew up near Ames, Iowa, and accidentally went to college near home. She is a twice over Cyclone with degrees in Exercise Sport Science and Business. After testing her parenting skills with a cat, she and her husband Peter had two boys, Moose (13) and Squirrel (8). Now working in higher education, she still dabbles teaching yoga and blogging between football, basketball, swimming, and soccer practices. She is an expert in doing too much and sharing personal stories. She posts on her blog, Unlimited Characters* whenever she thinks she has something interesting to say.
*She is too wordy for Twitter.
