Let me start off by saying, I am surrounded by amazing women in my life who I know would do anything they could to help me out if I asked. Women who I know pray for my family when they say they will and who enjoy spending time together. But there seems to be something missing now that I’m a wife, mom, and thirty-something—something that has always been such an incredible joy to have…
In high school I had the sweetest friends. We shared our lunches, sat next to each other on the bus to show choir events, and coordinated our graduation open houses so that we could all be at each other’s. One of my closest high school friends became my college roommate and a bridesmaid in my wedding. We stay in touch and get together when she is back in town.
In college, there were five of us that were inseparable and lived life together for three and a half years. We ate dinner together, traveled together, shopped together, cried together, prayed together, laughed together, and even lived together. We shared a room, clothes, and our deepest secrets and dreams. We KNEW each other well. We knew what the others struggled with, when they just needed to get out, what their favorite foods and shows were, and when to step back and just listen. I knew that I could call them at any moment’s notice, and they would be there to help, or sometimes they were there before I even knew I needed help!
In chiropractic school, I was blessed again with great friends and roommates. We studied together, stressed about school and exams together, and also traveled together and stood up in weddings together.
Those are all moments and friendships I treasure. I will love each of those girls and be grateful for who they are and what they have meant to me forever. But, I miss them.
I miss my phone ringing and a voice on the other end just checking to see how I’m doing or calling just to chat. I miss the spontaneous invitations to just go grab lunch, or the friend I didn’t hesitate to call to see if she would go clothes shopping with me. I miss the late night deep discussions over ice cream and snacks, and the girls’ trips we used to make a priority and get so excited for.
I miss having best friends.
I find myself wondering if women and moms at my stage in life find themselves longing for the same things. Or maybe this is just the way life is now. I adore my husband and love the trips we take and the time we spend together. And I wouldn’t trade my role as a mom and the time I spend with my kiddos for anything. Maybe, just maybe, this season doesn’t allow for best friends.
But, I see moms weekly in my office, with wonderful husbands and kids, who are lonely. They are longing for something with meaning to pursue outside of the home, most likely to help them to be the best wife and mother possible. They, too, seem to be longing for those deep friendships. And I hear others speak about the amazing nights out with their friends or girls’ weekends they have been on that were so fun and refreshing.
Some of this seems silly to write down, as I recognize I have been blessed to call some wonderful women my friends. They are incredible friends and show up when I need them. They come to my kids’ birthday parties, shoot texts asking how I am doing, and know the general premise of what my current life entails. And for that, I am so grateful and fulfilled—most of the time.
Sometimes—just sometimes—I long for the spontaneity of a girlfriend just showing up at the door with treats because she had asked how I was doing that morning and knew I was having a hard day. Or I wish to be on the receiving end of dinner invites and other fun outings.
But today, I take comfort in knowing that I am loved deeply and unconditionally by my God, adored by my husband (most days), and appreciated by my kiddos (again, most days). I have a support system to lean on, and an incredible one at that. I don’t have that one, amazing best friend. But maybe that’s okay.