What I Learned from Being in Survival Mode

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It was a pretty ordinary day.

February 19, 2015.

It was a child swap day, so I took my big girls to school and my two littles to Rachel’s house as normal. Then I went to a meeting. As I left the meeting, I took a call from my husband’s employee. He said that Zeb had fallen off a roof and hurt his arm and that I needed to come to the clinic they were at in West Des Moines. I was scared but not panicked… YET.

As I walked through the front doors of the clinic, I saw my big burly husband, my soul mate, my best friend, being rushed on a gurney to an ambulance that was out front. He looked at me and tears filled both our eyes, and he said two words: “I’m sorry.” That’s it. Then I was rushed to the front seat of the ambulance where I was filled in on what had happened.

My husband had fallen from 13 feet high while working. He landed on empty plywood which was a blessing, as the job site was full of jagged ground and tools. He fell on his right side and hit his head. They weren’t sure if there was head trauma, so that was why we were on our way to the hospital.

The next few days were a blur. I was exhausted, scared, emotional, torn in so many directions. I was in SURVIVAL MODE.

3 LONG days later when my husband came home he was in a fragile state, in tons of pain, and ended up getting pneumonia on top of all of it. Oh, and I got sick. Oh, and we have four kids 6 and under. After getting some meds for my husband, we shipped him off to his parents’ to rest and recover. It was about two weeks of taking it a minute at a time and just trying to stay afloat.

What I Learned from Being in Survival Mode

These are the things I learned while in Survival Mode. I know so many people out there have a wide range of difficult things going on, so I hope this helps.

1. Life comes with ups and downs.

We all know this and have heard similar things, but in motherhood I have truly found that some days are really great and some days are really horrible. It’s the same with life in general — there are up and downs. The good thing about that is when things are really bad you know they will get better. The tough times will refine us and make us stronger in the end. We must remember the lessons we learn during the hard times and allow them to make us stronger and to not let the lessons go unused.

2. You MUST rely on your village/community.

My village consists of my neighbors, friends, family, and my church. When I was full-on into survival mode, I almost needed an assistant to help with the calls, texts, food deliveries, meals, offers of help for kids, offers to help clean, etc. I could not have gotten through it without them, and now I have even more of a desire than I did before being in survival mode to help others in crisis — and I know better how to help them. You must say yes to help that is offered and at times even ask for the help. People want to help others — it’s in our nature! Let them be blessed by helping you, and someday be thankful to return the favor. We need each other.

3. Mom friends are invaluable.

There is something about mom friends. They just get it. They know the needs before you have them, and they are there before anyone else! They can help with things you wouldn’t even think to ask for help with, and they truly desire to be helpful. I pray that each of you has a group of mom friends that you can rely on!

4. Kids are resilient.

I was nursing my fourth child when this all happened, and I was worried my milk would dry up; and I couldn’t imagine how my girls would do with all of this. I worried a lot about my kids. But you know what? They are so strong and so understanding. They were great about being passed around and having people in and out of the house. They just knew their daddy would be just fine. There were tough times for sure, and they were not perfect during it, but they survived; and just like us, they are stronger because of it. This was a lesson for all of us that we don’t know what each day will bring and to wake up thankful to be alive another day! I was torn for three LONG days between my kids and my husband, and that is something I would not wish on anyone. It was heartbreaking.

5. Take time to process when things are back to normal.

When things settled down and everyone was healthy and well and things were back to “normal,” I took some time to myself to process everything that had happened. I was encouraged to do this and I’m so glad I did. I wrote it down, I thanked God for bringing us through it, I spoke about it often with my husband and my kids and with friends. I allowed myself to heal fully from the trauma I had been through.

If you are going through survival mode, I hope and pray you can get through it and come out on the other side stronger!

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