Did you grow up dreaming of what your family would look like? How many kids? How many boys and how many girls? Did you have names picked out? Did you always know you were meant to be a mom? That was me. Then something became a part of my journey that I never expected.
Infertility was a dark, long tunnel that I walked through alone for too many years.
I lost myself.
I lost my dreams.
I lost my faith.
I lost relationships as no one seemed to understand the pain I felt every single day.
I lost hope with every passing month without a positive pregnancy test.
I struggled alone, not realizing there were so many other women going through the exact same thing.
The best thing that happened to me, though, was finally finding and opening up to these other women. Women who said, “Yes, I felt that too. I hurt too.” Women who validated my every feeling. There is an instant bond between infertility sisters as they are the only people who truly understand the depth of your journey.
Our Infertility Journey
My husband and I have been married for six years. Five of those six years were dedicated to growing our family as we walked through the depths of infertility. I find it ironic that our anniversary falls on this week, National Infertility Awareness Week, because most of our marriage has been consumed by our journey to parenthood.
Before we were married, we’d always imagined both adopting and having biological children. When we experienced months of negative pregnancy tests, medications, procedures, surgeries, and some of the darkest days in our marriage, we decided to put biology on the back burner and adopt first.
We started the research process, applied to an adoption agency, completed mountains of paperwork and several home studies, created a profile for expectant mothers to view, and decorated a nursery. Then we waited.
We welcomed our first son, Daxon, in 2016.
Not only were we navigating the world as new parents, but we were also constantly learning what it meant to be adoptive parents to a biracial son in an open adoption with his birth parents. Honestly, I am still learning about adoption (and motherhood) every day.
We knew we wanted our children close in age, so once Daxon was one-year-old, we decided to go to a fertility specialist to see what our options were in getting pregnant. We were told IVF was our only option, and my response was, “When can we start?”
We went through one round of IVF and somehow became “one of the lucky ones” who got pregnant after the first transfer. We welcomed our second son, Pacyn, in 2018, and I officially became a #boymom!
I See You
I may have my boys now, but infertility will always be a part of my life. It changed me.
If you are in the depths of infertility, you are not alone.
You are now a part of a sisterhood you never wanted to join but that will lift you up and walk with you through your entire journey.
I see you. I know your pain. And there are ways to make it through without losing yourself. Find a support group. Follow other women on social media. Talk out loud about your pain. Continue to live your life. Find your infertility sisters. I promise it will help.
It is easy for me to look back now and know the road my husband and I were on led us exactly to where we were meant to be. I wish I could tell you how your story will go, but I don’t know. All I know is you are not alone. Your feelings are real. And although you may not believe it, you will come out of this stronger.
Betsy is a stay at home mom to two handsome, energetic boys. After getting her degree in child development and working with young children for years, she is loving being able to stay home with her own kids. She moved back to Ankeny two years ago with her husband, Marcus, after living in St. Louis during Marcus’s residency. She loves spending time outside with her family, cooking, and visiting our home away from home, St. Louis. Go Cardinals! Betsy is also passionate about helping women on their journey through infertility and educating others about infertility, IVF, and adoption. She is busy learning all things trucks, dinosaurs, and superheroes as she embraces her new title as a #boymom.
Follow Betsy on Instagram: @betsydearnoone or on her blog Dear No One.
