She’s a Girl, but That Alone Does Not Define Her

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This post is part 5 of 7 in the series Sugar and Spice & Everything Daughters.

She's a Girl, but That Alone Does Not Define Her | Des Moines Moms Blog

Growing up, I was a girly girl. I loved all things Barbies and makeup and glitter. I’ve grown to enjoy sports and other more “manly” things, but as I kid… not so much. I’m not sure I was born loving girly stuff or if that’s how I was raised. As the fellow mommies and I discussed this daughters series, it made me think about the gender-related choices I’ve made in my short tenure as a mama.

When I was pregnant, I had no preference and no premonition as to baby’s gender, but we were excited to find out! I wondered if my husband secretly wanted a boy, but when the technician announced “it’s a girl,” Luke gasped and said “Ohhhh” with a tear in his eye. I was touched to see that my little girl had Daddy wrapped around her finger already. Out came the pink balloons, lacy socks, and the giant (can we scale these down already) flower headbands.

Being a “girl mom” is second nature for me. But, what I wasn’t expecting as a girl mom was the intense feeling of not wanting to make Charlotte a girly-girl. I definitely dressed her in adorable ensembles as a baby and decorated her room in pink and purple (and a little green — I’m not a monster). But, I also chose gender-neutral car seats, strollers, baby swings, etc. As she began to get old enough to play, I made a point to buy the plain primary-colored blocks and the non-pink version of other toys. I felt weird marking everything she owned and loved with a bright pink sign that says “I’m a girl!!!” I didn’t want to turn her into a boy, but I wanted nature to have its chance to let Charlotte be who she wanted to be, even at such a young age.

She's a Girl, but That Alone Does Not Define Her | Des Moines Moms Blog
Real girls like worms. (I politely decline to hold her pet worms, but I love that she’s brave.)

We all parent differently, and I’m not saying I’m right or wrong. This was just “our way.”

The interesting thing that happened in the course of this experiment is that Charlotte crawled right over firetrucks and toy baseballs and headed straight to baby dolls and tutus. She made the choice, and that choice usually has skewed “girly,” although she’s occasionally been known to play in the dirt and kiss worms, and she can viciously kick a soccer ball.

I love being a girl mom. I find it endearing that she was so passionate about stealing (and ruining) my makeup that I had to buy her a set of toy makeup at age two. I love that she puts on a tutu and dress-up shoes and demands to dance with her “Prince Charming” (Daddy). I love braiding her red hair. I love that she enjoys being my baking assistant. And, I look forward to dance classes and prom dress shopping and so on. I’ll also encourage her to be in sports, to take part in STEM classes, and to pursue non-traditional roles in life if she chooses.

The bottom line is, we want to provide balance for our little girl and not force her into gender-specific roles or interests. If I have a boy someday, I won’t make him play football if he’s not interested or turn him down when he wants to take a ballet class. We’re all different, and that’s what makes us special. That’s what makes the world go ’round.

Charlotte is a girl. She’s a beautiful, sweet, and brilliant little girl whom I’m blessed to call “daughter.” But, that alone does not define her.

SHE will define herself how she wants, and I will always support that (unless she’s a Hawkeye fan… just kidding. Teehee.).

Read more from our Sugar and Spice & Everything Daughters series!

Sugar and Spice & Everything Daughters | Des Moines Moms Blog

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