“Replanting” Your Family

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Bloom where you’re planted. – Mary Engelbreit
 
Christmas in our new home
Christmas in our new home

December is our one-year anniversary of moving into our house. While I love our home and still get giddy over the fact that we own a home, I can vividly remember the feelings of heartache and bitterness we faced at leaving the girls’ school and starting over yet again. For my oldest daughter, it was the fourth time we had asked her to say goodbye and to move forward with us, trusting us to help her make connections at a new school, trusting us that we were making the right decision for our family, trusting us that we would keep in touch with friends she had grown to love, trusting us that this would be the last time for a long time. That’s a whole lotta trust for a (then) seven-year-old to give.

Advice for “Replanting” Your Family

I am no expert, but I do have some experience in this area. Like I mentioned before, we have moved four times since Cadee was born. Looking at a recent DMMB Facebook poll, I know that four may be a very small number to many of you. However, I was brought home from the hospital to the very same piece of land that I left when I got married. So, to me, four is crazy.

When moving your family, it is imperative that you realize the work in advance. Not only the physical aspect of moving your things, but also the emotional aspect of moving away from friends and neighbors. It’s hard to leave behind what is familiar and so dearly loved. It stings. It’s not easy to put yourself back out there again. I considered with each move that it wouldn’t be the last, but in order to feel settled, I had to keep making new friends. There have been countless times I’ve thought, “If I had just connected with those people sooner, I would have had more time with them before we moved.” Find a community group, find a church, join the PTO – get connected! You won’t regret putting down roots, no matter how long those roots will keep you there.

Be Your Children’s Advocate

Your children are starting over from scratch. They are worried they’ll never see their friends again. They are worried this move is too temporary to count. They are worried that everyone at the new school will already have a friend and won’t care about them. They are worried SICK about the whole thing! Have some grace for them, and be in their corner. Try to understand how absolutely terrifying this is for them. It is hard for a child to imagine the future. They can dream about the future, but have a hard time understanding how to get from A to B. Fill in the gaps for them. Explain that you will get their best friend’s contact information, that you will invite them for play dates and sleepovers, that you will keep in contact with them. Not only that, but you will help them find new friends. You have to be active in their relationships and step out of your comfort zone to call that random number your child brought home from school – just hoping there’s another parent on the other end of the call eager “to meet this Lili that my daughter talks about all the time.”

We have friends who moved from Iowa to Florida a month before we moved across town. The mom said the sweetest thing that has stuck with me. Looking into the eyes of her daughter who was (of course) scared of not having any friends when they moved, she said, “Then I will be your friend.” Something so simple, but it calmed her daughter’s nerves. Your children are likely to become more “clingy” and “needy” once you move. Consider this your time to be their friend. Play board games with them, do a craft at the table (even though you just cleared it for dinner), sing silly songs in the car. Eventually, they will make new friends. And you will cherish those memories made.

Adult Play Datesone year review collage

Awkward? Yes. Rewarding? Absolutely. It will be awkward to walk down the street and introduce yourself to the parents who are always outside. It will be awkward to attend the block party without knowing a soul. It will be awkward to show up to a Des Moines Moms Blog play date to meet other moms for the first time since moving. I can promise you that meeting even a couple friends who *get* you will totally make all of that awkwardness worth it! So, put your big girl pants on, brush your teeth, and practice your handshake! The only thing you will regret is not getting to know that new friend sooner. My dad always says, “A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.” Thanks to that motto, I have turned many strangers into dear friends. And I don’t regret a single introduction!

How do you make an effort to “bloom where you’re planted”?

 

1 COMMENT

  1. Love your insight and advice here. Starting over is hard! I love the response of “Then I will be your friend.” As a recently transplanted family too, it was a good time to talk about how to be a good friend to others and all the good qualities each of my kids had to offer to others. It was a great time to build them up! Thanks for this post!

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