My Social Media Detox

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I love it! I hate it! Let’s just say, “it’s complicated” between me and social media. This post on social media may seem strange given the fact that I write for Des Moines Moms Blog, which connects local women through the web. Although I enjoy some aspects of social media, a few months ago I decided I needed a break – a detox – from most social media outlets.

It’s not that I’m against social media; I actually think it offers some unique benefits. Social media enables me to easily document special moments in my family members’ lives. I’ve enjoyed learning about and exploring topics that I might not have otherwise encountered. Plus, social media is an easy avenue to stay in contact with certain friends, especially those who are not geographically close.

Despite the benefits, I have several issues with social media. Leading up to my decision to detox a few months ago, I often found myself down, discouraged, or even stressed out after checking into my various accounts. My main reasons for using social media were relational, social, and pleasure.  But, I found myself often frustrated in those very same areas because of social media.

Blackberry vs. iPhone
eat more toast / Foter.com / CC B

Lack of Relational Depth

Being a stay-at-home mom can be isolating. Being a stay-at-home mom to a child with special needs can be even more isolating. Social media can be an incredibly convenient avenue to fulfill one’s relational needs, especially in isolating circumstances. Social media offers a host of relationships that you would not otherwise have an opportunity to find or pursue, but if you are not careful social media can damage or stagnante some relationships. Although I interacted with more than enough friends and followers via social media, the authenticity of my relationships faded. The breadth of my social interactions increased as the depth of my relationships decreased. I craved real genuine interactions, which were fairly difficult to achieve via a healthy helping of social media. I know there are real relationship that work just fine through social media, but often relationships operating mainly through social media are only quasi friendships. Friendships through social media are very different from a hug, a shared experience, or an actual conversation (you know, the kind in which you utilize vocal inflections and tone).

Perception of Perfection

Often, social media creates a perceived perception of perfection. People post only their best photos, share their most inspiring stories, edit out the more undesirable aspects of their life, etc. Sometimes it was hard not to compare the computer screen to my own reality. One minute you are viewing pictures of smiling families and reading pronouncements of marrying the best spouse in the whole world. Close the laptop the next minute to see your child having a tantrum, a stack of late bills waiting on the counter, and an angry text exchange with your spouse. Obviously social media is not an accurate representation of anyone’s whole or actual life. I’m guilty, too. I sometimes paint my own white picket fence dream life through social media. Social media allows us to pick and choose, to edit, and to put our own spin on what we present to our social circles. It is hard not to daily view and compare the edited version of others’ lives to our own actual, unedited existence.

Missing Out

I often felt that if I wasn’t routinely checking my social media accounts, I was missing out on life. My friends interacted mostly through social media sites. It was “the” method to staying socially informed in my circle of friends. I would regularly check into my accounts multiple times a day to keep up. “Who is expecting now?” “Who is sick?” “What does so and so think about homeschooling?” And when I wasn’t spending time checking in with 400 of my closest friends, I found myself viewing my own life in terms of social media relevancy. I viewed my life events in terms of whether or not they were worthy of my social media feeds. Besides viewing life events in light of their social media relevancy, sometimes I was so busy documenting life on social media that I was actually missing out on fully enjoying those moments. If one of my boys would do something novel or sweet, instead of fully embracing the moment, I would be posting about the moment. Ironically, I feel like I’m missing out on life less since taking a break from social media. Now instead of wondering what everyone else is doing, I’m enjoying and living my life more. When my children have a sweet moment, I’m fully in the moment instead of thinking how I can turn a family experience into a post.

Competition

Social media can seem like just another popularity contest. Of course, we all want to post things that our friends/followers will like and enjoy. In a way, more likes and comments on our posts is affirming, giving us some sense of worth that we are likable and heard. I needed a break from the urge to be more “liked” that social media was bringing out in me. My life events communicated through social media are not more or less worthy because of the number of likes or comments they receive.

Tuning Out the World Next to Us

Social media brings a whole new world into our homes and the palms of our hands. While social media offers many worthy causes and inspiring stories to follow, I think it is easy to become immersed in those things while forgetting the present people around us. We can be so busy engaging with the endless amount of relationship opportunities opened to us by social media, that sometimes the ones closest in proximity and worth to us suffer. We can be so occupied checking in on our mobile phones, we don’t have time for the spouse sitting next to us. We can be so engrossed in following inspiring medical miracles from people across the country, we forget about the co-worker in the hospital who could use a visitor. We can be so preoccupied liking and promoting the next worthy cause for all our friends to support via social media, we block out our own child’s pleas for attention. While we occupy ourselves connecting with causes and people all around the world, we can look past the flesh and blood right next to us.

My Solution for Healthy Social Media Use

The above headings were things that I personally struggled with relating to social media. Now that I’ve detoxed from social media for several months, I feel great. I don’t think social media is bad or wrong; I had just let it negatively impact my life and emotions. Social media is such a big influence on our culture and the global community that I can’t see myself staying away for forever. When I do connect again to the social media world, I’ll definitely have some rules and boundaries to protect myself, my friendships, and my family.

  1. Be more purposeful about relationships. I won’t let my close relationships be reduced to technological interactions.
  2. Limit my time on social media outlets. Like many things in life, moderation is a good idea. There is usually a bell curve of healthy activity. Too much or too little of something may be harmful.
  3. Remind myself that what I see on social media sites is not always a real or true representation of life.
  4. It’s not a competition. Also, my worth and likableness is not defined by achieving a certain number of comments, likes, or friends.
  5. Cut back on when and where I use social media. For example, remove social media from my phone or turn my phone off at certain times of the day (i.e. meals, family time, etc.).

How do you balance life and social media? What are some helpful boundaries you’ve put up pertaining to social media usage?

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Amber Flinn
Amber is a central Iowa native. Amber has been married to her best friend Tommy since 2007. Amber feels she has the best job in the world, being a stay at home mom to her two boys, Miles (August 2009) and Graham (May 2012). On any given day you may find Amber in her pajamas past noon, ignoring a couch piled high with clean laundry and a sticky kitchen floor desperate for a scrubbing. Much of Amber’s joy and fulfillment comes from serving her family. Amber is passionate about advocating for her son Miles and other children with special needs. Amber is currently learning and enjoying what it means to raise a healthy infant with her son Graham. Besides loving on her family, Amber enjoys ethnic foods, nerdy strategy and card games, lazy days, and good books.

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