As my children grow up, I am realizing more and more how they are exactly. like. me. This has its perks and its challenges.
Perks: I know how to respond to them and how to challenge them. I know how to relate to them in a way that they will grasp what I’m saying. I know their likes and dislikes (mostly).
Challenges: I drive myself crazy… especially when I see myself in the form of three little people. I am a sassy person in general, and when that comes out in my kids, it is no muy bueno. There are many more, but I want to focus on the good in this post!
Since they obviously mirror me and my own personality, it is imperative that I set a good example for them. Here are just a few ways that I am striving to be better for the sake of my children.
1. “Is it a big rabbit or a little rabbit?”
My cousin-in-law gave this advice to my cousin at her wedding shower. We were all going around the room giving advice for the bride-to-be and she asked this question. At first, we all kinda chuckled, but as she explained it, I saw the light. Is this a rabbit you want to go after? A little rabbit is quick, fleeting, not a lot of meat on the bones. Is it really worth your time and efforts to “win” this rabbit? A big rabbit is meaty and worthy of the battle. I’m really implementing this theory with my middle child. Everything is the END OF THE WORLD to this girl. Her sister taking her seat at the table is the same level of offense as someone stealing her brother. What better way to teach her this lesson than to lead by example!
A few Sundays ago, I was struggling to motivate the girls to get ready for church. No surprise there. Every Sunday morning is a battle of who’s the boss. My Lili, who usually LOVES any excuse to get fancy, comes down the stairs in black sports shorts and a black tank top – as if she were going to a funeral… albeit a very casual one. I wanted to send her tush back upstairs and suggest a dress or a skirt. But, something clicked. She wasn’t arguing with me about going to church. She was simply making the choice to show her independence in this way. We went with it. And you know what? It was the best Sunday morning experience with my kids yet.
2. Showing respect and love for their father, the head of the household.
This is a HUGE, humbling task for me. I love my husband dearly, and I do respect him and everything he does for us. But, as I mentioned, I’m a little quite sassy. Sometimes Usually I respond with wit and sass. It should come as no surprise to me when my children do the same. I am REALLY working hard on this one! To respond with love and respect always. Also, to respect his choices for our family, and if I disagree, to discuss in private. As a stay-at-home mom, my husband is basically my boss. My hope is that by teaching the kids to respect his authority, that they will respect authority (but also learn to respectfully voice their opinions) later in life.
3. Spend your time {and money} wisely.
Time: Laziness is an epidemic at our house, especially in the summertime. I know this is an important disease to kick before it’s too late. I don’t want them wasting their days watching Netflix, or playing on devices, or just not moving in general. Curling up with a book or being intentional about resting is different. I also don’t want them to think that the work will always be done for them. We are slowly introducing chores into their lives, and telling them no when they ask for us to serve them in one way or another. “Mom, will you get me some juice?” “Can you go get my slippers upstairs?” Even making their own lunches or teaching them to serve their guests.
Money: I want them to feel the pride when they earn something with their own hard work, or see a project be completed. I want them to notice that we have money and time to play BECAUSE Dad works so hard and BECAUSE we are frugal the other days of the week/month. I want them to realize that if they want an iPod, it’s going to take a lot of hard work to buy that. Our daughter asked for a hermit crab recently. I told her we would discuss it after she wrote a report on it and came up with a way to pay for at least half of everything her crab would need. She did not hesitate to dive in and get started! I was extremely proud of her. (The verdict is still out on getting a hermit crab! We may need to reward her hard work with something else.)
I’m trying to lead by example by being more intentional with my day – from getting the dishes done, to working out, to playing with the kids, to setting a certain amount of time for rest.
These are just a few things I am working on to help shape and refine my children. I have been thinking lately about the kind of adults they will become. While it is a lot of pressure to know that I am responsible for their character development, it is necessary for me to evaluate the direction they are headed and to regroup often! My kids are constantly changing, and while my vision remains constant, my methods need to change and grow with them.
As a parent, we often think about our goals for our kids. Thanks for the insight to check-up on ourselves. Laziness is a big problem in our home. If we don’t get out of the house we just sit around. I really need to work on that!!
I think it plagues us all, Erica!