I Treated My Depression Too Late

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depression and mental healthAfter I had my first child in 2014, I smiled all the time, and couldn’t sleep because I was so happy. Motherhood generally came easy to me. I was grateful that I didn’t have postpartum depression.

My second child was born in January 2018, and I had a really rough year following his birth. Two days after I came back from maternity leave, a cousin I was close to took his life. We had some unexpected changes at work. Then, I suffered a long bout of illnesses, including an ear infection, strep throat, sinus infection, emergency root canal, and pneumonia all within a four-month span.

I was worried. My doctor said it was just a loss of sleep and germs from my kiddos. Basically, I was repeatedly sick because I was a mother. At Thanksgiving, I lamented my physical woes to my family, and someone finally made an offhand remark saying, “Dude, you really need to go on anti-depressants.”

My family isn’t a sentimental bunch, so this was a genuine comment that I took seriously – and a huge light bulb went off in my head. I felt run down, lethargic, nervous, and I cried so easily. Why had I not seen this sooner – especially after the death of my cousin six months earlier? When I developed yet another infection in my lymph nodes, I finally brought up the possibility that I might be depressed with my doctor.

We talked, did some tests, and determined a treatment plan for my symptoms together. Ever since beginning this treatment, my life has changed. I feel focused, motivated, happy. My anxiety doesn’t come on as quickly. Basically, because of treatment, my mind took one huge deep breath.

Postpartum Depression

Chrissy Teigen recently shared her story about when she found out she had postpartum depression to bring awareness to Maternal Mental Health month. I am sharing my story because every mom’s story will be different, but one thing is certain – we all can learn from each other.

Thought I wasn’t formally diagnosed with postpartum depression, I learned a lesson that I want all moms/women/people to hear: having depression doesn’t mean you are sad about something.

I foolishly thought that since I felt fulfilled with my life it would be silly for me to have depression. Being a mom is hard, no matter your circumstances. It takes a toll whether you adopt, have a partner helping you, are a legal guardian, a single parent, whatever. It. Is. Hard.

Looking back, I likely had Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) with Peripartum Onset. This can happen months after delivery of the child, which is different than a temporary mood disturbance after childbirth.

This is just my story. You may have heard one mother’s postpartum tale and think you didn’t have it because it wasn’t like hers. Talk it over with your partner, family, friends and seek their help in recognizing the symptoms – and look out for depression symptoms in others. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and treatment can change your everyday activities.

Taking care of yourself first means you can be a better mom.

The better I feel, the better mom I can be for my family.

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