How Motherhood Has Changed Me

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motherhood towelI didn’t have a child until I was a month shy of 31. I had an amazing career and a successful one at that. I was on top of things. Confident. Decisive. I set goals and made them happen. My attention to detail was remarkable. I managed tasks at hand quickly. I worked long hours without growing weary and faced challenges without tears.

Being a mom is the most amazing gift in the world. The blessings it brings me each day are innumerable and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, I’ve cried more tears as a mom. I’ve questioned myself in ways I never have before. I’ve changed as a person – in some remarkable ways and some not so amazing.

There are little things that have changed…

Before I had a child, I was always on time. Despite setting household clocks 15 minutes early, I’m rarely, if ever on time anymore. I used to refuse to have a cluttered house or go anywhere with a spot on my clothing. This is simply part of life now. I used to structure my day and feel accomplished when i checked things off the list. As a mom, you dare not judge your success by tasks completed because some days even taking a shower is a huge feat.

Yet there are these larger changes that I’m working on. Call them multiple personalities if you wish…

Crazy Head Mama

People warn you about pregnancy brain. I remember thinking “Oh, good. When the baby’s here these crazy things I’m doing will cease.” Nope. I’m still putting things in the wrong place (i.e. the freezer), losing my phone or keys, and burning things on the stove. In fact – it is worse. We’re typically moving so fast that I’m not sure which way is up or down some days. I’ve always been able to multi-task and manage a full plate, but as a mom I find it increasingly hard to find balance and take time for myself, even just to think [somewhat] clearly.

Miss Indecisive

“Do I wake her? Should I let her sleep? Should I pump or wait? If I pump and she wakes up will I have enough milk? Is she sleeping enough? Did I feed her too much?

Those wishy-washy questions I battled in the first year of motherhood have persisted. We are in year three, yet I can’t seem to make a decision whether its discipline methods or choosing age-appropriate activities for the next stage we’re embarking upon.

I question my abilities constantly and feel inadequate often. I even find myself feeling incapable of making big decisions. This typically rears its head when the pressure is on. It may be in the middle of a temper tantrum three-year old expression of independence or in the midst of an accident or illness. The heat is on so I waiver. I crumble. This is new. I need to reclaim that bold confidence and swift decisiveness I once took for granted.

Super-Mom Syndrome

s and c 3I’ve always been a perfectionist. I’ve always done everything 110% and refuse to quit until whatever ‘it’ is – is complete. I’ve always believed that I could do anything I put my mind to and do it well. Yet adopting this philosophy as a mom is troublesome. When something doesn’t work out the way I intend or plan, I feel like a failure as a mom.

I want the best for my little one, so I beat myself up when I make the wrong choice for her, use my words poorly, or make a mistake. I rarely give myself grace to accept me for who I am right now. I need to let go of that Super-Mom expectation and just be okay with today.

Dear Mamas,

We are WAY too hard on ourselves. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to what we ‘think’ we’re supposed to do. Let’s stop thinking we even know what a supermom looks like or what she does or doesn’t do. Let’s admit that perfection in motherhood is a tough reality and we’re all just doing our best to take each day, each stage, and each moment as it comes.

As I work to find balance, peace, and understanding in these changes, I encourage you to embrace where you’re at right now and appreciate how motherhood has changed you. Don’t worry about the ways you used to be but accept the new version of you. Be present with your kiddos. Hug them. Stare in their eyes and breathe in the sweet, simple innocence and know that they love you just the way you are. It makes all those crazy little changes really insignificant.  Agree?

How have you handled the shift to motherhood? I’d love to hear from you.

3 COMMENTS

  1. Sarah you are an absolutely amazing mother! I truly admire you! Although I am not a perfectionist I can relate on so many levels to your words. I pray I have changed for the better!

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