Holding On and Letting Go

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Holding On and Letting Go

We stood together for several minutes, the glow of the night light illuminating the room as we slowly swayed, my baby girl laying her head on my shoulder. I inhaled her perfume of baby shampoo and vaporub, resting my cheek on the top of her head, feeling her soft hair against my skin. Her arm rested on my shoulder as I rubbed her back slowly, up and down, while listening to the melodic hum of the humidifier fill the silence.

Most nights don’t go like this, but when my baby girl doesn’t feel well, she needs the comfort and affection of her momma.

This is the first time in her almost one year of life that she has been this sick, and it’s been harder on me than I thought it would be. I may feel slightly pathetic for being as worrisome as I am for just a bad cold. Her general disposition is still relatively happy, but she hasn’t been her usual, spunky self for the past few days. And while I enjoy the extra snuggles, I look forward to her being back to 100 percent again soon.

With every fiber of my being I wish I could take away her runny nose, coughing, and sore throat and make my baby girl feel better. And although I’ve become pretty good at catching snot-filled sneezes and coughs with my bare hands and comforting my baby girl when she needs me, I still feel pretty helpless watching her be sick and not being able to make her feel better.

Feeling helpless has to be one of the worst feelings to experience as a parent. Am I right?

I know I’m being a bit dramatic, but bear with me as I get to my point.

I know that this won’t be the last time I feel this way. By a long shot. I know that this is just the beginning of understanding that I can’t always fix everything. I can kiss boo-boos and provide snuggles and love for my baby girl, but there will be some things in life where I will have to let go.

As my daughter grows older, she will experience many ups and downs where I will not have control. I’ll be honest and admit this scares me a bit. Letting go is not something I am very good at.

But in order to be a good mom, I must not only trust in myself, I must also trust in my daughter and in God to take care of her. It is my (and my husband’s) job to provide her the comfort and guidance she needs to be a confident, strong girl. It is also my responsibility to help her believe in herself and in the God who loves and cares for her.

I must also trust in those around me who can help, from my husband to her daycare providers to doctors to friends. There’s the momma instinct in me that says I know best, but I also must let my husband do his job as Daddy without micromanaging. I must let the doctor share his wisdom instead of Googling and reading too much WebMD. (Seriously, don’t do this unless you want to unnecessarily freak yourself out. The Internet has way too much information.) I must let her go to daycare, even when I want to quarantine her from the world and be the one to take care of her myself.

Eventually, she will be a brave, independent girl taking on the world. (I am so not ready for that yet. Thank God I have a few years to ease into this.) For now, it is my job to prepare her to be that girl. As her momma, I must not only nurture and protect her, I must also give her assurance in who she is and what she has to offer. Remind her that her worth is found in who she is on the inside, who God created her to be, and not in anyone else’s expectations.

Holding On and Letting Go

There will be some (okay, many) things in my daughter’s life that I cannot control, that I must let go of and trust her to discover and experience on her own. What my husband and I teach her along the way will guide her in that process. In other words, I am not as helpless as I may think or feel. Because I have been blessed with the opportunity to provide encouragement, wisdom, and love as my baby girl’s momma and help her become the beautiful woman she was created to be.

What gives you courage when you feel scared to let go?


Meet Our Newest Contributor, Kristin!

Kristin Schaaf headshotKristin Schaaf is a blessed wife to her husband David and first-time momma to her daughter Hannah, embracing the ups and downs of motherhood and the joys and challenges each day brings. She enjoys spending time with her family and friends, writing, baking, and being involved in her church. Kristin shares her heart and experiences as a mother through letters to her daughter on her blog, Dear Baby with Love.

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