It’s the month of celebrating love and I LOVE, LOVE. I LOVE IT! As a kid, I vividly remember making Valentine boxes (shout out to my mom’s patience and creativity), practicing random acts of kindness in school, crafting Valentine projects, and sharing treats with classmates.
In my adult life, all things hearts, pink, and Valentine candy (GREAT prices at Aldi!) are right up my alley and in my desk drawer. I don’t know what my girls will bring to daycare for Valentine’s Day, but I love the sweetness of my two-year-old understanding she has something to give and being excited about it. It cancels out the destined Pinterest-fail I will inevitably create and makes it OK to settle for bagged Goldfish, maybe with cute labels, if I’m feeling awesome.
At the heart of getting caught up in all the love, what I have learned about loving, has made me realize that love doesn’t look or feel the same for everyone.
For example, my love for our girls looks different from my husband’s, which looks different than their grandparents’. The books and dance parties I share with them matter just as much as the snuggles and outdoor exploring others share. And when I let my mama bear mentality rest, I realize that neither love is better or worse, just different.
This difference has made me think more about how I give love to others and how I recognize love given to me. In the end, it’s all love, and there is no such thing as too much love.
A few years ago, I first heard of the five love languages during a school meeting. I didn’t think much of it and filed it away in the back of my mental binder. Fast forward to a school counseling role and two kids later, and it’s some of the best advice on building relationships I’ve ever studied- and it makes sense.
Here’s a quick breakdown:
There are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts.
Each of us are naturally inclined to primarily use one language to show others love. And each of us naturally receives love in one way easier than others.
Sometimes how we’re given and want love match up nicely, but most often they do not. Acts of appreciation go unnoticed, time spent together seems awkward, and an everyday hug seems forced. Insert the need of love languages. The different approaches, ideas, and “languages” ebb and flow with the needs of relationships and life.
While it’s easy to see the transitions kids go through physically, it’s not as easy to see their emotional transitions. Kids transition fast and just when we figure out what works, that phase seems to be over. Love languages are meant to help guide communication when we’re not sure if we’re being listened to or heard or, maybe worse yet, when we don’t know if our love is landing.
Love languages aren’t going to solve all parent-child relationship problems, and they aren’t going to save us from meltdowns and attitudes. However, they can provide us another way to give, even on the toughest of days, love to the kids in our lives. If you’re looking for a great read, I like this one intended for children or teenagers. If you’d like to jump in with just what you’ve read here, check out this nice graphic that breaks the five languages down.
Mamas, nail those Valentine’s Day parties and treats this month and eat up all that beautiful, pink wrapped chocolate. But, please don’t forget to give yourself some love too. Be kind to you. The love you are giving matters, even on the days it doesn’t feel like it.
And if you’re looking to improve your love game, try another language and remember there’s no such thing as too much love.
