Finding Balance in an Unbalanced World

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finding balance motherhoodTonight I left a sink full of dishes, laundry unfolded, and toys all over the living room floor. It was bedtime, and since my four year old still relies on me to put her to bed (read – she STILL sleeps on our floor), I was needed somewhere else.

Sometimes it feels like I am constantly needed somewhere else. Being a mom who works outside of the home 75% of the week, it feels like there is never enough time to complete everything that needs to be completed. 

For most of this past year I was working from home 100%. In August our office building opened back up and my work/life balance shifted. I struggled to realize how to do all the things I needed to do – make time for my family, clean the house, do the laundry, feed the people, etc. Plus taking time for myself.

Those first few weeks back in the office were spent struggling to catch up. Struggling to meal plan and not just eat out. Struggling to not freak out about the mess, the dust, the laundry piling up. 

My family was used to me being home, used to me doing things throughout the day between my meetings. They weren’t as receptive about helping out – the kids especially. Although they were big fans of getting to eat whatever they wanted. My husband had gotten used to me picking up after him. 

Doing All the Things

I had to get over the fact that all the things wouldn’t happen. At least not all at once.

I am notoriously an “all or nothing” kind of gal. If it can’t all get done right now, then nothing happens. At work, I am a project manager. I know how to prioritize based on risk and immediate need. At home, I was unable to prioritize All the Things and felt overwhelmed and struggling to manage my time. So I would go to bed feeling angry about all the unfinished business.

I started to make a simple list of the top three items I wanted to accomplish each day. This helped with not feeling overwhelmed by doing All the Things, but it didn’t stop time from moving forward regardless of what got done on the list. It didn’t help with the feeling that my life was unbalanced and skewed toward just getting stuff done.

Finding Balance

I recently wrote about following Healthy Habits Happy Moms on Facebook. As a part of this group, I realized I am not alone in this quest to find balance in motherhood. Many working moms struggle to do All the Things and feel unaccomplished because we can’t do it all.

The key to unwinding this myth of doing it all is finding balance. But how do you find balance in an unbalanced world? In a world where a mother is expected to cook, clean, and care for and about everything. Where on-the-go happens more than being stationary. 

In June, I joined the HHHM Balance 365 program, and so far I have found something that I can truly rely on. I have a better outlook on my own personal image, and I have found a way to better prioritize how I feel about doing All the Things. Developing habits has helped me achieve my goals of being a better mom, a better wife, and a better individual overall.

Letting Go

The biggest piece to finding balance has been understanding that not all that needs to be done has to happen all at once. All or Something is a key mantra of the B365 program. I apply this logic to everything I do in the day now. It’s what helps me be ok with the fact that I left the dishes undone for the night because a story needed to be read. I knew the dishes would get done eventually, by me or my husband.

Understanding that I don’t have to be Super Mom has been the biggest key to finding balance. It’s like taking a big worry off one side of the scale and life evening it out. 

I have also found that it is ok to ask my husband to help out. After all, these are his kids and his house too. I should not have to feel like I am drowning so everyone else can just hang out. That goes for asking the kids to step up as well. My mental health balance shouldn’t hinge on them NOT having to help out. Again, this is their house and their stuff too. 

The final piece to finding balance has been ok with letting things go. Things that don’t rank as high in my priority list needed to go. While it’s hard to stop doing stuff I enjoy, I needed to do this in order to fully gain back some of my own sanity. And it doesn’t mean I won’t step back in and pick up where I left off. It just means right now I had to find that perfect balance. 

So for all those moms out there struggling to find their balance, know you aren’t alone. Your “life scale” will balance out when you begin to let go of All or Nothing, and replace it with All or Something.

Let the dust settle for a night, worry less about the dishes, and find the balance with your family.

How do you find balance in your daily life? 

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