I shared our big news with you all in my post last month — this eggo is preggo for the fourth time around and we couldn’t be more excited! However, I would be lying if I told you we didn’t have some fears with this new baby. You may be wondering how I could have any fears since this isn’t my first rodeo. I think fear and excitement often come hand in hand in motherhood. I’m sharing my fears to get them out in the open and to reassure other mamas who might be holding their fears in, thinking that the existence of those fears diminishes their ability as a mother in any way.
One of my biggest fears is spreading myself too thin. I have a pre-teen, a high-emotion eight-year-old, and a three-year-old testing all his boundaries and my expectations. Some would believe that I should have stopped at three. Heck, some believe one should have been enough! The thing is, God gives us the grace to handle things — not before they happen, but in the moment. I am confident enough in my God that we can handle this. I think that bringing another sibling into the world for my kids will teach them patience, self-sufficiency, and even more unconditional love.
Another fear is the ability to protect this sweet baby girl. My middle child has this need to love on everyone. Which is amazing. But sometimes she is a little too handsy and a little too confident. I want to build her up and encourage her that she can do things, but not as much when it comes to the littlest family member. On top of that, the little man of the house has been keenly aware of all babies in a one-mile radius and wants to love on them and hold them and be near them. Teaching him that the baby has a bubble, that he may enter that bubble with mommy’s okay, and that we love him even when we are holding her or tending to her will be a huge focus in those first few months.
Along with that fear, I am concerned about everyone adjusting to the shift in the house. We will do what we can to keep things normal and to fit baby into our already existing routines. However, we all know that babies bring change. Good change, but change nonetheless. I am already praying for grace during those times that we need it most.
I am definitely concerned that I won’t be sleeping when she comes. At all. The three-year-old resident is a party animal and has been struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep all night. He is three, so I know that his nap times will eventually fade away (insert sobbing here). Those nap times that I will desperately need when the newborn is cluster feeding all night long. I will be clinging to the hope that it is all just a season and trying my hardest to treasure every moment she and her siblings need me, as that need will become less and less over the days, months, and years ahead.
I think all moms can relate when I say… I am fearful of post-labor and delivery healing and hormonal changes. I won’t go into all the gory, physical details, but I do remember really struggling with PPD after my last daughter was born. I am acutely aware of that and doing all I can to prevent that from happening the way it did last time. Including planning for an epidural-free childbirth to avoid problems with the epidural! And hey, this may be our last, so it’s my last chance to have that experience. Also, being more open and talking about my fears and anxieties now. (P.S. I am anxious about labor and delivery, but choosing joy, not fear, about the whole thing in preparation for it.)
While these fears frequent my thoughts, they do not consume me. I have more confidence than ever going in to this. Confidence that this baby girl will be loved and adored. Confidence that I am not alone in this new-again-mommy business. Confidence in my own abilities as a mother. Confidence that whatever comes our way, we can do this together.