Passionate About Des Moines
and the Moms Who Live Here

A Black Cloud on Mother’s Day

As you all know, Mother’s Day was this past Sunday. A day that is supposed to be filled with adventures, smiling children giving their mommas of all types of extra love, and mommas not lifting a finger for the day. What if there is something that makes your Mother’s Day different, like mine was? Don’t get me wrong, we had an adventure, we shared a lot of giggles, and my boys made cute little cards for me that made my eyes swell. BUT, I also had a different experience than all the sunshine and rainbows. I had a little black cloud that was raining on “my” special day.

I am going to tell you a little about it because I know, I just know, that I am not the only one who dealt with this little black cloud. Grief. It can be so nasty and rear it’s ugly face right when I am not wanting to deal with it. Everyone’s grief comes out at different times and in different ways.

Almost four years ago my mom died. She is not here to help me celebrate this joyous day. Our relationship was complicated, making it even more difficult and my feelings even more mixed. This makes Mother’s Day a little more complex for me. It is a big, screaming reminder that my mom is not here. When I woke up on Sunday morning, grief just knocked my socks off. I wasn’t ready for it. I was ready for the beautiful day with my boys and husband, and then I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I am grateful that this intense grief comes only a few times a year, but when it does, it is so hard to get out of it. As I was lying in bed with mascara all over my face from crying, I noticed a picture on my Instagram that showed someone else’s grief. And then it hit me: I am not alone.

I realized that I am not the only one who had a little dark cloud hanging around. And when you know you are not alone, grief loses its power. Grief hates when you have company over because you talk about it and make it go away. Grief wants you to lie in bed and cry and not eat – or better yet, overeat. It wants the control. So THIS is why I am sharing a little bit of my story. To let you know that you are not alone. To let you know that Mother’s Day (or any holiday) really might not be the most perfect day ever (as Facebook often says it is), but it is a real day that comes with real emotions. This post is dedicated to the women who were struck with grief this Mother’s Day.

To the momma who just lost her baby and thought this would be her very first Mother’s Day.

To the momma who is desperately trying to get pregnant.

To the momma who has lost a baby in the past and the child is still present in her heart.

To the momma who doesn’t have a good relationship with her mom.

To the momma who suffers from secondary infertility.

To the momma who lives miles away from her mom.

To the momma who spent her savings on IVF and it didn’t work.

To the momma who is waiting on a sweet babe to come up for adoption, or for the papers to make it final.

To the momma who isn’t a momma yet because the timing just isn’t right.

To the momma whose heart is just heavy.

And finally, to the momma who has lost her mom.

My heart is with yours. My heart hurts, too. Please know you are not alone. Call a friend, talk with your partner, go for a walk… just do something to take away the power of that grief. And remember, it is okay to be joyous, to have fun, and to soak up the blessings that are currently in your life, even if your heart feels like that black cloud just won’t go away for the day.

momandme

When the black cloud is being really stubborn, I look through old pictures. This is one of my all time favorites of my mom and me, and it always makes me smile!

 

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14 Responses to A Black Cloud on Mother’s Day

  1. Becky @ bybmg May 16, 2014 at 2:36 pm #

    Such a great post. Thanks for sharing. I have so many around me for which Mother’s Day isn’t a totally happy day. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone.

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 1:02 am #

      Becky- it is so powerful to know that we are not alone. Thanks for your comment!

  2. Heather Allison-Reyes May 16, 2014 at 3:24 pm #

    Beautiful sharing of your heart my dear cousin. The greatest gift we can shrare with each other is our stories. You inspire me with your honesty, your light, your heart.
    Xoxo,
    Heather

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 1:04 am #

      Thank you! YOU inspire me to live my life putting love first, making it possible to share my heart! XO!

  3. Deb May 16, 2014 at 3:41 pm #

    Perfectly said. I, too, experienced a bit of grief for missing my Momma this Mother’s Day. My son helped turn it around by reminiscing with me on great things we would do with my Mom. Then we sat down and watched some Hallmark movies, cried and laughed and totally enjoyed the fact that I had a son, who was right there with me through the grief.

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 1:01 am #

      Deb- Thank you for sharing a part of your beautiful story. SO many mixed emotions. Glad that you could celebrate with your son and he could be there for you!

  4. Jennifer George
    Jennifer George May 16, 2014 at 5:25 pm #

    So true, Courtney! Our single moms group was totally talking about how hard of a holiday this is for so many moms. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 1:00 am #

      Thanks! 🙂 I was thinking about groups that I missed after the post was published and single mommas came to mind. So glad you have started your group!!

  5. Mel May 16, 2014 at 6:57 pm #

    I love your honesty here woman. I’m sure it touches the hearts of many others out there too!!!

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 12:58 am #

      Thanks Mel!

  6. Shelby Kruse May 16, 2014 at 7:39 pm #

    You are a treasured gift, my friend. I love your heart and your willingness to share it.

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 12:57 am #

      Thanks, Shelby! Thanks for your ongoing support and helping me along the way! 🙂

  7. Kaitlyn May 16, 2014 at 9:04 pm #

    LOVE your post, Courtney! I know what a struggle Mother’s Day can be for so many, myself included. Thank you for putting words and a face to a pain so many women go through and reminding them that they’re not alone and it’s ok to share your pain. XOXO.

    • Courtney Wagler May 17, 2014 at 12:56 am #

      Thanks for you kind words, Kaitlyn. Glad it hit home for you, it was perfectly timed your post today that was a beautiful sharing of your heart! XO!

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